Firm Hand Starts New Chapter

MEOW-My Ever-lovin' Obedient Wife--intelligent, beautiful, sexy, feminine, obedient and submissive--what an awesome wife! And we now have a very clear understanding about her self-neglect/abuse issues. And I am right there with her, loving and supporting her 24/7/365-in spirit when we are physically separated. It is difficult for me to explain to Meow how this relationship affects me-difficult to explain the powerful masculine energy that simply flows. This a.m. my energy soared in spite of just ending a 13 hour night shift at work. I just got a 3 hour nap and I'm ready for another 13 hour shift tonight. I've explained that her obedient submissive behavior gives me energy for long talks and spankings/cuddles-it's never draining. It gives me a sense of being a true complete man with more confidence, purpose and satisfaction in my life. We are writing a new chapter in our relationship. We both enjoy reading blogs and other material to look at new ideas while we are evaluating what is, and isn't, working for us. We pick and choose what is right for us as we develop this wonderful life together. LASH

Getting a Firm Hand

Ouch! This morning Lash and I had another talk about taking care of myself this week. Another spanking followed, of course, and I really, really felt how serious he is about this - REALLY!

Lately he's been spanking me in a position that allows some of the spanks to fall on very tender areas. For the first time, I felt a little fear, a little dread, when I was getting into position. Spankings in our usual position were painful, but nothing I feared. Maybe that's why I had trouble sticking to my health plan. Go off the plan - get another spanking. Just what I've been asking for all these years! I don't think today's spanking hurt THAT much more than before, but the intensity combined with the position, combined with Lash's serious desire to change my behavior - well, they all added up to a memorable experience!

I feel entirely different as I start this week. I feel like I have someone on my side in this effort. I feel like Lash is right behind me, hugging me as I make decisions about health issues. I feel like my bottom is really, really sore - REALLY!

Needing a Firm Hand

This morning I got a spanking for problems with over-eating (and generally not taking care of myself) while I was out of town. It hurt, I cried, we cuddled and talked afterward and I felt better. Later I realized that I still wasn’t ready to let it go. Lash was napping, so I climbed in bed with him again and we talked some more.

I finally realized that it wasn’t enough to be spanked to get rid of the guilt and to say “OK, you can start over now“. Starting over usually meant several days of good intentions and then relapse into bad habits. I’m just not very self-motivated - I never have been. I work best if given boundaries and deadlines but I can procrastinate and rationalize ‘til the cows come home if it’s left up to me. Setting my own goals and boundaries just hasn’t worked.

On certain other issues Lash has been very, very strict about what is NOT allowed and knowing that his stand was firm really helped me when I was tempted to stray. I needed to know that the issue of my self-neglect/abuse was important to him in the same way that other issues were. I needed to hear him say that my behavior was not acceptable - that he would not tolerate it and that he would be not only disappointed, but angry, if it continued. I suppose my punishment might be more severe, but the main issue for me was his putting his foot down, taking a stand and sticking to it. The stronger his demand for obedience, the more I respect him and want to obey. I know it will help me with all those pesky personal health issues like diet, medication, exercise, meditation, weighing, etc.

Lash calls it ”starting a new chapter“ and I suppose we are. It’s a little like we’re writing our own DD manual as we go along. This chapter will go along for a while and then we’ll revise it or maybe delete it or maybe go on to a new chapter, leaving it ”as is“. I like making it up as we go along. It’s more personalized, more ”us“. And ”us“ is what it’s all about!

Bad Advice?

I'm back!

I got back home yesterday after my trip to the Midwest to see my mom. I stopped overnight in the city where my hubby works and got my bottom warmed nicely as a bedtime treat. I do love going to bed with a tingly bottom. Today I work on catching up with all the items that fell by the wayside while I was gone and tomorrow.....I get to spend with Lash again!! I'll probably have to pay for my dietary indiscretions while I was traveling, but it will be worth it to have a fresh start.

PS: Thanks to Bonnie for the mention on her blog! I do love to spend time there reading past Brunches and other archived posts!!

Just a QUICK post

I'm heading back home today. Mom is doing well and back to her usual activities where she lives (assisted living). I know she's not alone and has good medicaL care. I'm thankful for a long QUIET drive today and no QUESTIONS to answer from well meaning friends and relatives. I also give thanks for QUILTS, QUENCHED thirst and QUALITY time with family. Q is a QUIRKY letter!

I'm Absolutely Amazed!!

I had the most amazing conversation with our younger daughter last night. She lives in the same town as my mom and we finally got to go out to dinner together last night - just the two of us. She's nearly 30 and this is hard for her because she hasn't found a satisfying relationship and sees time flying by (at 30!!!). As we talked I very delicately hinted that her Dad and I had found new ways of relating and new joy in our relationship even though we're a lot older than her. Eventually, it all spilled out - how she wanted to be taken care of by a dominant man, how she wanted to be a submissive wife, how she thought she'd never find anyone who would understand. As we shared our feelings we both kept saying how amazing it was that we felt the same. She thought her parents would never understand and we thought our daughters would never understand. I certainly didn't go into details and didn't bring up the discipline part at all, but the deep-down feelings of wanting to surrender to a stronger partner were soooooo similar. I never cease to be astounded by what we can learn about the people we love if we only listen without judgement and let them know that we love them and support their choices.

I wonder if she'll ever stumble on this blog while searching the internet. If so, I can live with it. Now I'm off to be with my mom. We'll go to visit my dad's grave today and tomorrow I'll head back to my Lash! Life is absolutely amazing!!

Good news and a (small) rant

Thanks for all the anniversary congratulations and good wishes for my mom. Her surgery went well yesterday and the results were very good - it seems that the cancer hasn't spread to the lymph nodes. I'm sneaking away for a few minutes at the coffeeshop to answer email and check out blogs.

Spending time with my mom isn't too bad, but my brother can be irritating sometimes. He made a statement about stay-at-home parents that made me bristle. I stayed home ever since my kids were born because it worked out best for our family and fit best with my husband's work schedule for me to be available when he had time off. I guess I was fairly submissive in that way. My life pretty much revolved around his life and his work. I volunteered a lot and took care of the home and tried to get some sense of self-worth from service to the schools, church and community. I gained a lot of skills, but no money and very little respect during an era when feminism was helping put women into the workplace. I consider myself a feminist and I'm grateful for the choices I have because of the women's movement, but my choices have not fit in with the mainstream of feminist thought. I grew up in a time and place where most moms were housewives. I became an adult during the 60's when equality was the buzzword. I spent many years being confused by my lack of desire for a career, I thought I was betraying other women by my choices.

Finally, I’m able to recognize and accept my submissive nature and see it as a valid choice as a feminist, as a woman, mother, daughter and wife. I like being Meow, which BTW is Lash’s name for me: short for My Ever-lovin’ Obedient Wife.

37 and counting

Lash & I have been married 37 years today! We've had DD in our marriage for 4 months. I give thanks for both!

I'm on my way to see my mom and will check in here when I can get access to the internet. Thanks to everyone who has sent good wishes our way!

P is for Pregnant!

Now that our daughter is Pregnant, I'm grateful for these "P" words related to babies:

Pacifier
Pediatrics
Pampers
Peek-a-boo
Perambulator
Prenatal
Pink or blue?
Patty cake
Pooh bear
Poopy diaper
Potty Training

Why do I have a sudden urge to knit, Purl, knit, Purl, knit, Purl??

Purring, Meow

Goodbye Superwoman!

Lash is on vacation this week and I'm so glad to have him home. I'm leaving on Wednesday to be with my mom for her surgery (a lumpectomy) and he's doing his best to help me get in touch with my emotions before I go. That means hard spankings every day. Now, I've read about some really, really severe spankings on various blogs. I may be a wimp but 60-70 hard spanks with Lash's hand will start me crying. I cry even more when we cuddle afterward and I feel so loved and protected. I'm hoping that feeling of having someone to take care of me will last when I travel and have to be the caregiver.

I've been a caretaker all my life. As an oldest child and only girl, it was my role in the family and it fits my personality, too. I was mature, responsible, well-behaved and my rebellion was never more than passive-aggressive bulls--t. This continued into my marriage. I've been working hard for a few years to learn to treat myself well, but it's an uphill battle. Admitting that I'm in any way "needy" is very difficult for me. Now that Lash knows about my "need" for spanking, he's more than happy to help out and I get all the side benefits: a happier husband, more intimacy in our marriage, stress relief when necessary, freedom from guilt when I mess up and protection from the person who treats me the worst (myself). A few more spankings before I leave will help me cope with the "pull" of family roles and the temptation to step back in as Superwoman. Wish me luck!

Call me Grandma!

We just talked to our oldest daughter and we're going to be grandparents! We're thrilled!! She and her hubby live about 3 hours away, so it's near enough to be involved. I'm glowing and just had to tell someone!

Gratitude

I made a Gratitude list and put it at the bottom of the sidebar if anyone is interested!

No going back

Earlier this week, Todd and Suzy over at A.S.S. asked if their readers could give up spanking. Some of the answers really made me think and I asked Lash about it last night. We had an interesting talk. My question boiled down to this: if he had to choose between the relationship we have with DD (minus the spanking) or to continue spanking but lose the changes in our marriage, which would he choose? I was really surprised that he chose the spanking. I thought of the spankings as a means to an end for him - a closer relationship and a way to enforce his wishes for my behavior. It turns out that after many years of trying to get him to spank me, it only took a little info about DD to turn him into a spanking fiend... um, I mean, aficionado.

On a more serious note, I had an “aha!” moment during this conversation. When I asked if he could really go back to the way we acted toward each other before DD, he looked at me very sternly and said that he would never tolerate some of my past behavior (or words to that effect). I knew he meant it and I suddenly realized (again) that this is very, very real, not some story or fantasy. We aren’t going back, we’re only going forward wherever it may lead us. So it looks like DD, including spanking, is very much part of my future. And I’m happy with that!

Husband & wife

My post about not liking the term HOH was not meant to belittle the idea of the husband as head of the household, but to try to get to the core of what it means to us. For many years, the titles husband and wife were just words that meant we had a marriage license. I was so busy trying to find myself as a person and to define myself as daughter, mother, sister, friend, etc. that I didn't think about my role as wife. I took it for granted and even in the toughest of times, never really thought about throwing in the towel.

I struggled with my fascination with spanking, ashamed and confused. It took me over 15 years, closer to 20 years, to share it with Lash. First I had to attain some degree of comfort with it myself and that came from lurking on some of the old spanking newsgroups. Here were people who wrote openly about you-know-what. They enjoyed it, they shared their enjoyment with others and they didn't seem to be ashamed! Wow!

Finally talking to Lash about it brought some freedom, but it was never enough for me to use spanking as foreplay. There was always something missing and that was the element of true submission. Playful spanking didn't fill that place in me. Erotic spanking wasn't enough. It wasn't until I read about real-life DD that I knew where I belonged in this world of TTWD. We all know that there are as many ways of doing DD or D/s or M/s as there are people. When we finally found a niche where I was comfortable and where Lash was comfortable, we decided to label that niche "marriage" and to define ourselves as "husband and wife" for pretty much the first time. We're still working on those definitions, but I'm liking the path of finding the "wife" in me.

HOH??

I have trouble with the term HOH or Head of Household. To me, it seems to designate the person who runs the house and handles all the small details of everyday life. That would ideally be a housekeeper (grin) but in our case it's me. Lash of course handles all of that at his condo when he's living at his job, but I don't think that's what was meant when the term originated. (BTW, I wonder who invented it.)

I don't think of Lash that way, but rather as the head of our family or - since it's now just the two of us - of our marriage. We have redefined our roles as husband and wife and, when we call each other by those names, they are rich in the complexities of that redefinition. The name Husband now includes overtones of his dominance, authority and protection as well as his roles as disciplinarian, provider and lover. When he calls me "Wife", I feel obedient, submissive, feminine, protected, loved and sometimes spanked. It has added levels of depth to our relationship but has also simplified many things. Since this is a busy day for me, I think I'll postpone further explanations until another time.

Hi! from Lash

Hi! from Lash (Loving Ass Spanking Husband), the guy who is lucky enough to be married to Meow. A bit about me: I work out of town many months of the year at an extremely high stress, long hours, scientific-type job. I'm also developing my intuitive side by working on a Masters Certificate in Reiki.

Meow has enjoyed erotic spankings for years. Several months ago when she asked me to look up a web-site while she left the house, being obviously anxious, I had no idea where we were headed. I wasn't really surprised when it was a site on spanking, but the D.D. aspect left me simultaneously confused, anxious, aroused and excited. Through the many years of our marriage our roles were often confused and never really examined. I have always strived to be a good husband, father, son and brother, but work has always predominated my life. While that has provided financial opportunities to our children and supported both of our extended families, I certainly was never a HOH. With my family history I have never known what that meant. I was certainly taught that being "abusive" to a woman was absolutely verbotten!

This DD website talked about me being the HOH and my wife being obedient and submissive with spanking and punishment! Yikes! I love how my wife is a beautiful independent and extremely capable woman and we have raised two independent and very capable daughters. I am still processing the fact that Meow wants and needs to be obedient and submissive in certain areas of our marriage without sacrificing her independence in other areas.

Now, several month later, I love it! Somehow, I have had the intuition to be HOH without too many mistakes-and Meow is very forgiving.

Thanks to each of you who are supporting Meow in this blog. The sense of community is very important to her.

Stress & Relief

Hi, PK & I Gal! Thanks for stopping by.

Today I'm thinking about spanking and stress relief. Yesterday was very stressful. I was waiting for word about my mom's cancer, I went to the funeral of a friend's husband and when I came out of the funeral my car battery was dead. It took about an hour and a half for the auto club guy to get there and give me a jump start. Since this was in a different city, I had over an hour's drive to get to Lash's place, missed dinner, was starting to get a migraine and just plain felt shitty! I took something for the migraine and went to bed about 8:00 pm - without my usual spanking!

Today has been a good day, but the stress from yesterday was still sitting there waiting to pop into my mind at odd times. So we tried a spanking this afternoon. Lash spanked hard but the tears wouldn't come, so we cuddled and I began to relax. Then he said that he thought I needed more spanking and gave me a few more really painful swats. Suddenly the endorphins were released and the stress seemed to recede into the distant past. I was able to cry a little, let it all go and get some sleep. I could have taken a pill, meditated, gotten a massage or had a couple of margaritas, but for me, a spanking was just what I needed to get out of that slump.

PS: The news from my mom's doctor was pretty good, I have a new car battery and I'm sitting on a stinging bottom, so life is back to normal.

Friday Fill-ins

I've been reading Friday Fill-ins for a while and wanted to try it. It's harder than I thought! And I can't seem to get the Bold print to work so I'm doing Caps.

1. Apples are to oranges AS A MAC IS TO A PC.

2. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG and that's all I have to say about that.

3. I think I hear LASH LAUGHING ABOUT #2.

4. SOON IT WILL BE MEMORIAL DAY AND MANY PEOPLE WILL FLY A flag.

5. Do what you want to do, BUT THE BEDTIME SPANKING WILL HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT!

6. I SAW A LITTLE BOY and behind him was a Radio Flyer wagon; in the wagon was a bucket filled with DANDELIONS.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to VISITING LASH, tomorrow my plans include BEING WITH LASH and Sunday, I WANT TO BE WITH LASH BUT I CAN'T 'CAUSE HE'S WORKING. DO YOU SEE A PATTERN HERE?

To Spank or not?

Last night I went to visit my husband in the town where he works. At bedtime, we cuddled and I cried about my mom (see previous post). Then we both felt ambivalent about our usual spanking ritual. It seemed anticlimactic since I'd already had the stress relief of crying in his arms. But we went ahead. He spanked me. I couldn't cry much more, but I got a sense of relaxation and was able to get a good night's sleep.

This morning I'm thinking about why it was important to go ahead with our usual routine. It gave me a sense that I can trust Lash to be consistent, to be protective, to be the husband that he's promised to be. It made me feel vulnerable and feminine and broke through the hard protective shell that I use when I have to deal with difficult situations. I needed to know that I can let down my defenses with at least one person.

I'll need to be strong as a daughter and sister and mother during these next few weeks, but I need to balance that with a sense of who I am as a woman and wife. Lash gives me that balance.

Another Lesson from Life

Life's Lesson #1: Sometimes Life isn't fair! I recently got news that my mom has breast cancer. The irony is that only 6 weeks ago we celebrated the fact that her most recent scan showed her to be free of the colon cancer that had metastasized to her liver. Being free of Stage IV colon cancer was like a miracle! Now this. I'm grieving for her, I'm angry at Life and I'm pissed (and I know this is petty) because this is such a bad time for me to travel to be with her. My brothers can take her to the oncologist this week, but I've always been the one who was with her through surgery and cancer treatments. Last time this happened - when the colon cancer showed up in her liver - I was with her several weeks. I know I just need to take one day at a time and wait to see what the oncologist says later this week. But that leads to Life's Lesson #2: Waiting Sucks!

Rules?

Rules? I don’t have many rules. Lash likes it that I’m independent, mature and able to behave responsibly. I don’t “brat”, I take care of the household including all finances, act as bookkeeper for his business and hold office in various organizations in the community.

Having said that, there are some areas where I still get in trouble. One big one is driving aggressively when I get impatient or annoyed with other drivers. When we first started DD, Lash made it clear that this was a non-negotiable rule: NO AGGRESSIVE DRIVING!! My first two punishment spankings were for minor infractions of this rule and I know that any further infractions will be dealt with severely. This could get me an avoid-at-all-costs spanking with the dreaded strap.

I also asked Lash to help me be responsible in my eating, exercise and general health care. I need to ask permission before drinking alcohol. (This usually means one glass of wine when we eat out.) It’s a health issue for me and it’s also a reminder that he’s in charge of certain things. I love holding his hand over the table at a restaurant and asking “May I have a glass of wine?”. I haven’t been brave enough to ask in front of a waiter or waitress, but I’m pretty comfortable if other diners hear. Asking permission in this one small area reinforces this new relationship we’ve chosen and makes me feel very loved and protected.

If my eating gets out of control or I slack off on exercise, I can talk with him and he’ll spank me to get rid of the guilt and to “motivate” me to get back on track. When I get all stressed out about life, he’ll spank me to relieve the stress. When I get irritable and take it out on him, you guessed it, I get spanked. He’s getting much more comfortable demanding the respect he deserves and punishing disrespectful behavior.

So, rules? Not too many. Love, respect, nurturing, cherishing? Yes, lots of those!!

Wow!

Thanks to all who have commented and clicked in as Followers (although I'm still not sure exactly what that means - lol). This all started when I began to Follow other blogs and Davey commented that he had tried the link to my blog and couldn't get on. Up until then it was a private, purely experimental, blog for Lash and me to communicate when we were living apart (his job right now is out-of-town). It wasn't the best way to keep in touch compared to the phone, email, etc. so I thought we might give it up. But..... I have been fascinated by the many blogs I've read and by the sense of community - a community I certainly don't have in "real" life. Living in a small town, we don't see much "kinky" stuff in the local paper's community announcements! More like church bazaars and high school music programs. Anyway, I decided to give going public a try and here I am!! I'm overwhelmed by the welcoming comments - Thanks!! I'm happy for anyone to link or list my blog - I guess I'm still not very familiar with the terminology. See you around, Meow

My last punishment

Friday night I got a punishment spanking. Why? Go back to last Monday: I hosted a breakfast for 18 people at my house. It was for an organization of which I am president, so besides lots of fun, there were conversations about various items of business that are coming up. I have been feeling a lot of pressure about several upcoming events for this organization and also feeling pretty inadequate as president. During the breakfast I got a call from my health care provider telling me some test results that required further visits to a specialist, a possible biopsy, etc.

Cut to my husband’s phone call later that day. I was weepy, feeling overwhelmed, and when he tried his best to give me support and comfort, I got angry and snippy. That evening I deliberately drank a glass of wine without permission which is one of the very few rules I have. On Wednesday, when we were together, I confessed about the wine (he already knew about the bad attitude that preceded it) and he said that we’d deal with it later. That night I got a “normal” maintenance spanking. Friday night was the night for my punishment.

I undressed, we snuggled and talked for a while and then I went over his knee. He gave me quite a few hard spanks and then stopped, tightened his grip on me and told me it was time for my punishment. I was just starting to cry. He then gave me 5 hard quick spanks on each sit spot followed by another 3 hard quick spanks on each side. It was a short sharp reminder that I need to treat him with respect and to obey the rules he gives me. We cuddled while I cried and all was forgiven.

Ours is a pretty quiet marriage, with very little drama, shouting, fighting, etc. but under the surface there used to be long-held resentments, hurt feelings and loads of guilt. Now, that is all cleared up quickly. I love the calm relaxed feeling I get after a punishment is over and I’ve gotten rid of all the guilt. I wouldn’t ever want to go back to the “old way”.

How did we start?

How did we start? We talked and talked and talked about DD. Then we waited while Lash recovered from minor surgery. That wait was hard for me because I didn’t know how we’d really put our ideas into reality. When he felt well enough, Lash gave me a long, long spanking to clear up all past issues. He just used his hand but covered my whole bottom and my thighs. This was our first experience with bruising (on my thighs) and we’ve tried to be very careful since then.

The next day I brought up some guilt that was still lingering and got another long spanking. This was concentrated on my tender sit spot and although memorable didn’t leave any further bruises. Since Lash was on vacation from work for two weeks, we were able to begin a regular schedule of maintenance spankings - almost daily. We finally settled on bedtime spankings for the most part, although we tried other times of the day as well. By the end of the first two weeks we were well on our way to the DD relationship we have now.

Who are we?

Here is a little info about us and how we got here. We’ve been married over 35 years, so that says something about our ages! We have had ups and downs in our marriage, but in general it’s been a pretty quiet journey through the years. We have two grown children who are out on their own, one married and one single.

I think I was born with the spanko gene and have found it exciting all my life but didn’t share my interest with Lash until we’d been married almost 20 years. We incorporated it into foreplay occasionally and that was where it ended, until January of this year. One weekend, I found a website about Domestic Discipline, followed some links, read all I could and felt a buzz all over! This was what I’d been wanting, but I hadn’t known how to express it.

I showed one of the websites to Lash and left the house to go to the supermarket. I was so nervous about his response I was literally shaking! But, when I returned, he responded with interest that has since developed into enthusiasm. We’ve been gradually refining “our” form of DD ever since.

Hi!

This has been a private blog between my hubby, Lash, and me for a couple of months, but now I want to go public and join the blogging world!! I'm away from home this weekend, but will post some info about us soon.