Wednesday, December 30

Another "Birth"day Soon!

         I just got back from two days with my daughter.  Her pregnancy is going fairly well in spite of the gestational diabetes.  But..... the baby is in the breech position and won't turn.  All we need is one half-somersault from the little stinker - but, nope!!  
     She was scheduled (Tuesday) for an attempt to turn the baby externally so I've been with her since Monday.  This attempt didn't work either, so now she's scheduled for a C-section next Wednesday.  
     Her husband will be home from his job for the long weekend and I can be with her on Monday and Tuesday.  Her hubby will then come back again for the C-section.  And then we'll be grandparents!  I'm so excited and praying that all goes well!   I'll post again with a picture when it's all over!

Monday, December 28

Happy Birthday to Lash!!

Today is Lash's birthday
and he has to work all day and evening.
We celebrated over the weekend
and had a lot of fun,
but now he's back at work and I probably
won't get down the mountain to visit him
until the 31st.

I just want to tell everyone
what a wonderful man,
what a fantastic husband and lover,
what a great provider and caring person he is!!
And what a consistent and dedicated practitioner
of TTWD!
He's my hero and my haven!

Lash, I love you more each day!
Happy Birthday!

Saturday, December 26

Gifts to Myself

Thanks to Dazygal,
who made me think about this subject.
My comment on her blog ended up
being expanded to these thoughts.

When Lash and I first started DD,
I thought of the changes in my behavior as 
#1) a duty that I owed to Lash as my husband,
part of my hope to improve our marriage.
A side benefit was
#2) that I would get the spankings I craved.
And, honestly, #1 and #2 may have been reversed
in my subconscious mind and, at times, consciously.
I wanted to get spanked and DD was the means.
Looking back, it was a kind of bribe:
"I'll act like I'm an obedient wife and
then I'll get what I want."

Gradually, I began to see submission and obedience
as gifts that I gave him out of my love and respect
and desire to make him happy.
I began to see what it did for Lash
as well as what I got out of it.
Just recently, Lash wrote this in an email:
"I am living the life that I have always wanted
and have the relationship with you
I have always wanted.
I feel so masculine and strong."
Seeing this in him has been a huge incentive
to continue on this journey. 

Lately though, I have begun to feel that
my submission and obedience are primarily
gifts that I give myself.
Anything less is dishonest and disrespectful
to my own sense of who I am.
Of course, they are also gifts to Lash -
but I have to feel good about myself first
in order for them to be valuable to him.

I am submissive and obedient
because he has helped me
to find these qualities deep within me
and helped me to express them openly
without fear, without shame, without anger.
They are aspects of who I am and to deny them
would be to deny the person I am becoming.
So it doesn't occur to me to try to
avoid submitting or obeying
by tricks or lying or manipulation.
That would only be deceiving Lash and myself.
Neither one of us deserve that.

Does this make any sense?
Has anyone else gone through similar stages?

Monday, December 21

Holiday Traditions

     Lash left for his work site yesterday and called last night to tell me his schedule for the week.  It looks like he'll be working non-stop with barely enough time to sleep.  He's especially tied up on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day all the way into the 26th.  
     Now, I have choices in this situation.  I can be all grumpy and pouty and stay home alone. (The old me!)  I can help serve free dinners for a local charity. (We've done this before and it was fun!)  I can go to my daughter's house for Christmas. (Weather depending!)  I can stick close to Lash at his workplace - he'll probably have free time to spend with me and there are places I can be out of the way. (This looks like my #1 choice right now!)  I could even share the holiday with friends. (Some are probably alone, too!)
     We've spent many holidays (including birthdays and anniversaries, etc.) like this.  The nature of Lash's work (and mine too before kids) is that it includes holiday work.  Long ago we had to decide what was really important and what was just trimmings.  What is really important is the love we share with each other and our families.  Our love for each other is celebrated every day!  We don't need a special meal or place or gift to show that love.  
     My MIL asked my husband when we'll "do" Christmas since he'll be at work.  I think her idea of "doing" Christmas is having a special meal and opening gifts.  It's not official unless you "do" it that way.  
     Now, I love the traditions of Christmas, but I also love being free to make our own memories.  The year we served free meals gave us wonderful memories.  I'm sure this year will be unique and memorable, too, in a non-traditional way.  We'll "do" Christmas in the lobby or waiting room or lounge at work.  I'm sure there will be a tree and Christmas music and traditional food in the cafeteria.  And even if there's no mistletoe, I bet we can sneak in a few kisses.  I'm looking forward to it!

I hope your Holidays are full of love and all the good things that make it special for you!!

Hugs to all,  Meow

PS:  I think this is my 100th post!    

Thursday, December 17

Submissively Sassy

     One day Lash and I were joking and teasing and I admitted to being sassy but asserted that I was being "submissively" sassy.  The old me was disrespectfully sassy and passive-agressively sassy - saying hurtful things under the guise of fun.  The difference now is that I always keep respect for Lash as my Husband in the language and tone and meaning of my sass - and that's what makes it submissive!  He loves it!  It gives him an excuse for some playful swats, too.  And I love that!
    While we were out of town, I got 3 very nice spankings but a variety of factors kept us from having a two-fer (two spankings in one day).  
     Since we got back I've had two lovely spankings.  The one on Tuesday was very painful with a lot of hand spanking and using the tawse.  I was able to finally let go and cry just from the spanking which felt very liberating.  I've been working on feeling softer and more yielding when I get spanked rather than being tense and defensive.
     Today's spanking was very special.  Lash started by saying some very loving and supportive things while we cuddled and that was enough to start the tears.  I was able to cry out loud during the spanking (with hand and strap).  It felt like I was surrendering to this loving and powerful force.  It's hard to describe but it was beautiful.  I long for that feeling of surrender and I feel like I'm finally finding it.
     Tomorrow may be our last full day together for a couple of weeks since Lash will be working out of town over both holidays.  I can join him after work since it's only an hour away, but it's not the same as having the privacy of our own home.  Still, we're grateful for the paycheck after Lash being off work all summer for his surgeries.  It ends the year on an upbeat note.  We have so much to be thankful for in 2009 and look forward to a great year in 2010!

Tuesday, December 8

We're out of town..... again.

Lash and I are in the Midwest visiting family and awaiting a blizzard.  We got our emergency groceries this morning and are spending a few precious minutes in the coffee shop checking email and blogs.  Sorry I don't have time to comment on other blogs.   We've had one minor drama with family but everything is good with our moms (mostly).  Minor drama pales when I hear about a friend at home who was just diagnosed with breast cancer.  This kind of real life challenge is happening more and more frequently among our friends.  I guess that's part of aging.  I'll try to write more later, after the storm.  At least we have a nice cozy place to stay and be all by ourselves!  Now what can we do when trapped by a blizzard????  Any ideas?