Yes, this really is us! We were on our way back from walking in our neighborhood when I snapped this with my phone. When Lash and I walk we always hold hands and he gently guides me where he wants to go. Sometimes I stop to look at something or to catch my breath on a hill and he stops with me, but he always takes my hand again and shepherds me safely back home.
My mom says that you could always tell 2nd marriages among their retired friends because they held hands. Maybe, since starting DD, we're in the 2nd phase of our marriage! Whatever the reason, I like being led by my Husband.... on a walk and in life.
This morning, I got my first spanking in about 2 weeks. Lash hadn't wanted to pass on his cold before my sleep study and he really felt pretty ill, too. So today we got back to our normal routine.
I couldn't help thinking that our marriage is like a living thing. A plant needs nourishment, moisture, sunlight and room to grow. So does our marriage. We feed it with Love and Respect. We give it room to grow when we are Honest and Trusting and Trustworthy. We let in light when we show Kindness, Sympathy and Strength. I look at DD as the water for our living marriage. Some need a little, some a lot. Some can go for long periods without it and then can be rescued just before they wilt. Some wither and die when they can't get what they need. Each couple has to find the mix of rules, dominance, connection, spanking, obedience, punishment and submission that will help their relationship thrive.
We survived our little drought because we had a healthy living marriage to work with. It grows better when we take care of it diligently every day and I hope we can keep nurturing it in the way we both love best - daily spankings, subtle signs of his dominance and my consistent obedience to the few rules we have. The reward is a healthy, blooming thing of beauty.
PS: My sleep study is over and I should get my results in about 3 weeks.
PPS: We're going to visit our moms in the midwest next week and will be on the internet only sporadically depending on how things go.
To our grandson, we are Oma and Opa although he's a little confused about which is which. On Saturday, our daughter called to say that he kept running to the computer and saying "Oma, Oma". She finally figured out that he wanted to see us on the computer. So, we Skyped and he seemed happy! He'll be Skyping and emailing as soon as he can reach the keyboard, I bet! My generation barely had TVs and learned to use computers as adults. He won't even have to "learn" - it will be 2nd nature to him.
I'm glad I live in the computer age and I appreciate it because I lived without it for so long. Being kinky and being isolated was hard and many of us have found our true selves through the online community. Without it I could never have "come out" to my husband or discovered a whole world of people who like ttwd. Hooray for the internet and instant access to it anywhere we go!
The Pity Party's over! Thanks for attending. Seriously, it did me a lot of good to read your comments and know that people really do care. In my vanilla life, I haven't talked to anyone but Lash about what's going on and it's too easy to get self-involved and depressed when I don't talk about things. Writing about it gets it out so that I can look at it objectively.
Spankings did me a lot of good when I was tense, nervous and anxious about everything. I had a couple of really good "weeps" and Lash doesn't let me get too far out of line with my rebellion against medical orders. I can get very stubborn when I want to resist something, but after a while I turn the stubbornness into determination and use it to stick to my diet, exercise and health plan. Sometimes I need a reality check from Lash to know when it's time to make that switch! Right now, one big drawback is that Lash feels like he's coming down with a cold and, since I can't do the sleep test if I can't breathe through my nose, he's avoiding me - no hugs, no spankings. He even is sleeping in the guest room for a few nights. I hope it turns out to be just allergies. I miss my man!!
We spent last weekend, all three days, with our daughters, son-in-law and grandson and it was so fun! Our grandson is 20 months old and can reach doorknobs but not turn them. He wanted us to open them for him and threw a fit when we said "no". But he's also discovered a new word - stuck. So now, every door that won't open is "stuck" and he's just fine with that. In fact, if a door is open he wants to make it "stuck". Not a temper tantrum all weekend since he learned this new concept! Language skills to the rescue! I feel like I'm coming "unstuck", so maybe a new word will help me get back to normal, too!
About 6 weeks ago I went to my doctor. There was one lab test that she wanted to check further and I did a test at home which measured my blood oxygen level while I slept. It was abnormal and I am scheduled for a full sleep study at the hospital in two weeks. This would all be understandable if I had typical sleep apnea which involves snoring and closure of the throat during sleep resulting in low oxygen. But.... Lash swears that I do not snore. This puts the problem into a different category which is harder to diagnose and treat. We won't get the results until 3 weeks after the test, so there is a lot of waiting which is hard on my patience. I am relapsing into my usual magical thinking about my health: "Oh, it will all just go away on its own!" This time, I'm looking at something that may need to be treated for the rest of my life and not with just a pill or two. My doctor already put me on oxygen at night which involves a big machine at the bedside with several feet of tubing ending at my nose. Further treatment could involve an even more intrusive machine. My mind keeps shouting, "But I'm too young, I'm always healthy! This isn't Me!! There has to be some mistake!!! Hey, maybe the second test will turn out to be normal." Didn't I say my thinking was in fantasy-land? Lash has helped with hugs, a listening ear and spankings to relieve tension and help me get my head on straight. I just needed to vent here and explain why I've been absent lately. I spend most of my online time researching sleep apnea and, since I don't sleep well at night, I'm fatigued and unable to concentrate during the day. I can't get into any abstract writing about ttwd. One thing I am learning about myself is that my submissiveness does not include obeying my doctors without question. I am going down this path kicking and screaming and looking for ways to escape my fate - actually the opposite of how I approach a spanking! ;-) I've been reading so many good things on your blogs! When I'm more myself, I'll start commenting again.