Sunday, August 30
Friday, August 28
As soon as we drove into the good old home state, we were inundated by torrential rains and frantic phone calls from daughter #2. After 5 years in a flood-prone apartment, she was told by the management that she had to be moved out by Sunday - this was on Thursday! They provided an alternate apartment in the next building, but she was naturally stunned to be told move with almost no notice! So after a summer of helping daughter #1 move, moving Lash out of his work condo and helping daughter #1 move more furniture - we have ended up moving daughter #2 to her new apartment these past two days.
Thursday, August 27
Wednesday, August 26
Tuesday, August 25
Monday, August 24
Monday, August 17
2) Are you in a steady relationship? Married to Lash for 37 years
3) How many times have you been married? Once
4) How many people have you spanked/been spanked by? Only one
5) State top 3 reasons for enjoying spanking/being spanked? Feeling out-of-control, feeling very feminine, pleasing my Lash
6) What is your favourite meal? Pizza, I haven't had it in sooooo long
7) If a friend offered to bake you a cake, which would you ask for? Sour cream chocolate with peanut butter frosting, a favorite from childhood
8) Name 3 foods you would gag to see on your plate Liver, cooked spinach, lima beans - all favorites of Lash - I'll make anything but liver for him - can't stand the smell
9) Do you have any phobias? If so, name! heights, snakes, enclosed places
10)If you could choose a brand new car, what colour would you pick? I just did and it's RED
11)Describe your dwelling place...(house, trailer, flat, apartment, high rise, etc) 2 level house
12) DO you live in urban or rural area, countryside or seaside? small town
13) How many miles to your nearest McDonalds? 2 miles?
14) How many miles to your nearest train station, bus stop? bus stop - 2 miles, train - 2 hour drive
15) How far to travel to reach a shopping area with a range of shops including large supermarket? 2 miles
16) Do you exercise regularly? I try to, but life can bring it's own exercise, too! (We've been moving lately)
17)Would you consider yourself healthy? Yes - no major diseases or medications
18) Do you feel you are under/overweight? overweight, but losing steadily
19) Are you currently on a healthy eating plan? (never say diet!) ... donuts do NOT constitute healthy eating!!! No-gluten, low-carb - plain meats, veggies and fruits - and donuts have gluten, damn!
20) Do you have any pets? Not since 2002
21) How many hours a week on recreational use of a computer? I take the Fifth - In the US that means "No comment"
22) Do you consume alcohol regularly? (if so, how much on average in a week?) Maybe 1-2 glasses of wine a week and only when I ask permission from Lash - It's not good for me!
23)How many hours a week do you get the opportunity to relax/enjoy privacy with your partner? When he's home, like now, lots and lots. When he's working away from home, zero except by phone.
24) Who does the lion's share of the housework in your household? Lash does his share when he's home, otherwise it's just me.
25) How many hours a week, on average, do you spend watching TV? Like Daisy - none, we don't have cable or Dish and I don't miss it at all. I do watch DVD's and streaming Netflix, but not much.
26) Do you smoke? If so, how many a week? NO!
27) Name any sport you do/would be willing to, take part in. I loved volleyball when I was younger, now it's mostly hiking in the mountains when I can.
28) Would you like to participate in an extreme sport? (eg, hang gliding, bungee jumping...) I always though hang gliding would be fun!
29 What is your partners/potential partners, sexiest feature? (eyes, ass, smile, legs, muscles, chest, voice, etc) Out of bed it's his attitude, his dominance, in bed it's his dominance and his hands!
30) What field of work are you in? (be as general as you need to...) Retired from child-rearing, still do a lot of volunteering, but hope to semi-retire from that in the future.
Friday, August 14
Sunday, August 9
Saturday, August 8
Thursday, August 6
I haven't written on this blog for a while.
For a week or two after Lash started spanking again (after his first surgery) I was having trouble focusing - both focusing on each spanking and focusing on the whole DD thing. Why did I want to do this in the first place? I could barley remember what my feelings were 6 months ago when I first brought up the subject. I couldn’t feel any emotions or cry when I was being spanked. I went through the motions - he spanked and I submitted but something was missing. We were able to talk seriously about it, to joke about it, to try different approaches but……. nothing. I just stopped feeling the desire to please him, to submit, to obey, to get spanked.
Last week I started getting very tense, irritable, distant and withdrawn. Some days were better than others, but a lot of days were horrible! I had a big 3 day fundraiser over the weekend, Lash’s 2nd surgery on Monday, hosted a social gathering for 50 women on Tuesday, had a painter in the house on Wednesday and an appointment to get the car serviced today.
Before I even had breakfast this morning, Lash said he was ready to try a left-handed spanking - with the strap. We cuddled and talked beforehand and I gave the right answers but with no enthusiasm. So he spanked with his hand and with the strap…... and I started crying….. and I couldn’t stop. I literally cried all morning and half the afternoon and am still weepy on and off this evening.
First of all, I don’t blame Lash - at all. He’s been doing his part of DD and I agree that we need to keep doing it even when one of us loses focus. I want him to and I’m glad he does it. I’m not mad at him and love him so much!! This is just the risk we take when we open ourselves to another person on a very deep level. We can uncover some fears and anger and sadness that have been buried for years.
Now the background: I stopped taking my hormones about 5 weeks ago and the shit finally hit the fan this week. I’d been symptom-free for 5 blissful years (except for the problems that led to quitting the hormones and having surgery last month). Now I’ve had the “Return of the Hot Flashes” and - yes - it could be the scariest horror movie of all time! I’ve been seriously wondering if life was worth living if this is what the next 20 or 30 years might be like. Being tense and withdrawn was my way of holding onto my sanity and not saying all the hateful things that were in my head.
I grew up at a time and place where no one talked about this stuff. Some women just quietly had “nervous breakdowns” and went away for a while to get “fixed”. My mom tried to commit suicide 4 years after her hysterectomy. Late 1960’s, small midwestern town, so much shame, so little real help available! All this lived in the back of my head as I suffered through these past few weeks. Today the dam broke!
I’m starting back on the hormones again and will have a serious talk with my gynecologist as soon as I can get an appointment. I could get breast cancer or uterine cancer or I could live with menopause for the next 20 years and still get breast cancer! I say “Fuck it!” Today is the day I’m living right now and I may be dead of something else next week. I refuse to live in fear, I refuse to relive my mother’s sadness, I refuse to take out my anger on my wonderful husband. If I have to cry another day or two or another week until I get it all out, I will. If it takes more spankings to help me get in touch with the feelings, I’m ready. If you’re sick of hearing about menopause, me too!! I’m getting on with my life, starting NOW!!!!!