Holding Hands

     Yes, this really is us!  We were on our way back from walking in our neighborhood when I snapped this with my phone.  When Lash and I walk we always hold hands and he gently guides me where he wants to go. Sometimes I stop to look at something or to catch my breath on a hill and he stops with me, but he always takes my hand again and shepherds me safely back home.
     My mom says that you could always tell 2nd marriages among their retired friends because they held hands.  Maybe, since starting DD, we're in the 2nd phase of our marriage!  Whatever the reason, I like being led by my Husband.... on a walk and in life.

Feeding our Marriage

     This morning, I got my first spanking in about 2 weeks.  Lash hadn't wanted to pass on his cold before my sleep study and he really felt pretty ill, too.  So today we got back to our normal routine.
     I couldn't help thinking that our marriage is like a living thing.  A plant needs nourishment, moisture, sunlight and room to grow.  So does our marriage.  We feed it with Love and Respect.  We give it room to grow when we are Honest and Trusting and Trustworthy.  We let in light when we show Kindness, Sympathy and Strength.   I look at DD as the water for our living marriage.  Some need a little, some a lot.  Some can go for long periods without it and then can be rescued just before they wilt.  Some wither and die when they can't get what they need.  Each couple has to find the mix of rules, dominance, connection, spanking, obedience, punishment and submission that will help their relationship thrive.
     We survived our little drought because we had a healthy living marriage to work with.  It grows better when we take care of it diligently every day and I hope we can keep nurturing it in the way we both love best - daily spankings, subtle signs of his dominance and my consistent obedience to the few rules we have.  The reward is a healthy, blooming thing of beauty.
     PS:  My sleep study is over and I should get my results in about 3 weeks.
     PPS:  We're going to visit our moms in the midwest next week and will be on the internet only sporadically depending on how things go.

Taking a Break from DD?

His First Mate wrote about taking a break from DD and I began to think about our current health-related "break" and wondered if others have a story to tell about this subject.

Have any of you deliberately taken a break from DD (or ttwd in any form)?

Have you been forced to stop for a while because of real life issues?  Health?  Privacy?  Separation?

Have you ever decided DD wasn't for you but then chosen to try it again?  Did it work better the second time?

Do you think your husband (HOH, Master, partner, wife, etc.) would agree to a break if you asked for one?

If you took a break was it harder or easier to start again?

Any thoughts?

Time to start shopping?

After seeing the creative ad on Hermione's blog today,

I remembered this ad for shirts that will turn your man

into a daring, audacious, bold, passionate Spanko!

And all because he has pastel shirts to wear!

Anyone else up for a shopping trip? 

Just one more story.....

     To our grandson, we are Oma and Opa although he's a little confused about which is which.  On Saturday, our daughter called to say that he kept running to the computer and saying "Oma, Oma".  She finally figured out that he wanted to see us on the computer.  So, we Skyped and he seemed happy!  He'll be Skyping and emailing as soon as he can reach the keyboard, I bet!  My generation barely had TVs and learned to use computers as adults.  He won't even have to "learn" - it will be 2nd nature to him.
     I'm glad I live in the computer age and I appreciate it because I lived without it for so long.  Being kinky and being isolated was hard and many of us have found our true selves through the online community.  Without it I could never have "come out" to my husband or discovered a whole world of people who like ttwd.  Hooray for the internet and instant access to it anywhere we go!

9/11

Pray for Peace on Our Small Planet

Party Over!

The Pity Party's over!  Thanks for attending.  Seriously, it did me a lot of good to read your comments and know that people really do care.  In my vanilla life, I haven't talked to anyone but Lash about what's going on and it's too easy to get self-involved and depressed when I don't talk about things.  Writing about it gets it out so that I can look at it objectively.  


Spankings did me a lot of good when I was tense, nervous and anxious about everything.  I had a couple of really good "weeps" and Lash doesn't let me get too far out of line with my rebellion against medical orders.  I can get very stubborn when I want to resist something, but after a while I turn the stubbornness into determination and use it to stick to my diet, exercise and health plan.  Sometimes I need a reality check from Lash to know when it's time to make that switch!  Right now, one big drawback is that Lash feels like he's coming down with a cold and, since I can't do the sleep test if I can't breathe through my nose, he's avoiding me - no hugs, no spankings.  He even is sleeping in the guest room for a few nights.  I hope it turns out to be just allergies.  I miss my man!!


We spent last weekend, all three days, with our daughters, son-in-law and grandson and it was so fun!  Our grandson is 20 months old and can reach doorknobs but not turn them.  He wanted us to open them for him and threw a fit when we said "no".  But he's also discovered a new word - stuck.  So now, every door that won't open is "stuck" and he's just fine with that.  In fact, if a door is open he wants to make it "stuck".  Not a temper tantrum all weekend since he learned this new concept!  Language skills to the rescue!  I feel like I'm coming "unstuck", so maybe a new word will help me get back to normal, too!

Vanilla Whining Post

I have been battling health issues lately.

     About 6 weeks ago I went to my doctor.  There was one lab test that she wanted to check further and I did a test at home which measured my blood oxygen level while I slept.  It was abnormal and I am scheduled for a full sleep study at the hospital in two weeks.  This would all be understandable if I had typical sleep apnea which involves snoring and closure of the throat during sleep resulting in low oxygen.  But.... Lash swears that I do not snore.
     This puts the problem into a different category which is harder to diagnose and treat.  
We won't get the results until 3 weeks after the test, so there is a lot of waiting which is  hard on my patience.  I am relapsing into my usual magical thinking about my health:  "Oh, it will all just go away on its own!" 
     This time, I'm looking at something that may need to be treated for the rest of my life and not with just a pill or two.  My doctor already put me on oxygen at night which involves a big machine at the bedside with several feet of tubing ending at my nose.  Further treatment could involve an even more intrusive machine.
     My mind keeps shouting,  "But I'm too young, I'm always healthy!  This isn't Me!!  There has to be some mistake!!!  Hey, maybe the second test will turn out to be normal."  Didn't I say my thinking was in fantasy-land?  
     Lash has helped with hugs, a listening ear and spankings to relieve tension and help me get my head on straight.  I just needed to vent here and explain why I've been absent lately.  I spend most of my online time researching sleep apnea and, since I don't sleep well at night, I'm fatigued and unable to concentrate during the day.  I can't get into any abstract writing about ttwd.  One thing I am learning about myself is that my submissiveness does not include obeying my doctors without question.  I am going down this path kicking and screaming and looking for ways to escape my fate - actually the opposite of how I approach a spanking!  ;-)
     I've been reading so many good things on your blogs!  When I'm more myself, I'll start commenting again.  

Catching Up!

That's what I'm doing in this post and that's what we've been doing for the past two weeks.
1.  Our Library sale made over $31,000 and that was a record!  We had almost 100 new  memberships which I need to process since I'm the membership chair.  
2.  Lash is getting more involved in his volunteer work and is loving it.
3.  We're having our house painted which means almost daily discussions and decisions:         color choices, where does the trim paint go, what does the painter need to have moved, opened, closed or not touched. 
4.  We went to visit daughter #1, SIL and grandson last weekend.  Yippee!!  We had loads of fun and helped our daughter with lots of cleaning which usually comes far down on her to-do list (after her husband, son and job).  Her hubby has been studying for a test which will mean more pay and better jobs and he passed it on Saturday!  We're so happy for them.
5.  Daughter #2 is dissatisfied with her job.  They've been on mandatory overtime for months and she's getting worn down with the 12 hour days and weekend work.  We try to be supportive but we worry - that's what parents do, right?
6.  Our moms are hanging in there.  My mom ran out of savings and applied for some VA assistance which has taken months to come through but is now approved.  Another Yippee!!  It will allow her to stay in assisted living which is where she is safe and happy.  We're keeping our fingers crossed for her cancer checkup in September.  Lash's mom seems to be OK but is a little lost since her close friend moved away.  She'll be 91 soon! 
7.  Hay fever has made us both miserable but I think the weed and grass allergen levels are getting lower (or so says AccuWeather).
8.  I've been trying to stay on a strict diet and exercise plan so that my doctor won't start me on a bunch of medication.  When I saw her today, I'd lost 7# (in three weeks) so another Yippee!!  I have one more test to see if I'm getting enough oxygen at night.  We live at 8000 feet so it's not uncommon to have this problem.
9.  TTWD:  It's been hard to find time with travel, allergies and an inconvenient paint crew hanging around outside the windows.  My attitude has slipped but we've had a few chances to get back on track.  Lash said I was "pissy" this morning about my doctor's appointment but I think I was just being "proactive"!  
10.  I'm trying to catch up on reading blogs but with over 13 million (or thereabouts) waiting in Google Reader I'm pretty far behind so I probably will just read and not comment.  I've read some really good posts in the last 2 weeks and have to say that this community has the most insightful, sensitive and wise bloggers!  Reading them has kept me from going crazy when I was fussing about all of the above!  Now a few more good spankings and I'll be nearly normal!

So that's why.....

.......I feel soooo cute right now!

Anyone else feeling "cute" today?

The Path of the Paddle

I just have a couple of minutes but wanted to show you what I unpacked at the book sale this morning:  this book and one called the Way of the Paddle.  Look on Amazon and you will also see The Song of the Paddle and The Thrill of the Paddle.  Too bad they're not about....... you know.

MIA & BIB

   
     I'll be MIA for a few days because I'll be BIB (Buried in Books).  This weekend is the annual book sale for an organization where I serve on the Board.  Every year we fill a Ballroom at the local event center with around 40,000 books that have been donated and sell them all weekend.  At the end, we give away the leftovers and start all over for next year.  Another 40,000 donations will come in during the year and our town only has a population of about 10,000 (year round).  We raise over $30,000 annually for our local library.  I'm proud of our little town and the talented hard-working people who live here.  
     So no blogging or commenting from me for a few days, but I'll try to read when I can.  Have a great weekend everyone!  And support you Local Library!

On a lighter note!

This was started by K's Sweetie @ Surrender to Submission


What is your screen name?    
Meow, it stands for My Ever-lovin' Obedient Wife"

How long have you been practicing TTWD?    
2.5 years
                                                               
What is your astrological sign?               
Pisces

In what part of the country do you live?   
Rocky Mountains

Do you have children?           
Yes, 2 grown daughters

Do you have grandchildren?            
1, he's 18 months old


What is your favorite color?             
Purple

Morning or Evening?                      
Definitely Morning

Favorite Ice Cream?        
Haagen Dazs Dulce de Leche

First person who welcomed you to blogging?  
Daisy and Davey

Title of your first blog entry?                           
"Hi!"

What are you wearing on your feet right now?   
Sandals

What are you listening to right now?    
Typing on my laptop


Chocolate or Vanilla?
Is kinky a flavor?

Coffee or Tea?                                             
Tea

Favorite non-alcoholic drink?  
Water, am I boring or what?

Favorite alcoholic drink?                         
White wine

Favorite vacation spot?    
We retired to our favorite spot, so right here

Favorite season?                                     
autumn

Place you want to visit?              
Where my grandson lives                         

If you had to start all over again, would you
still choose TTWD?                                           
Absolutely!



Best piece of advice you can pass on about
TTWD?                   
One word for beginners:  Patience!

Domestic Harmony

Lash and I have been talking lately about terms used for ttwd.  Although I don't like to get stuck on labels, I think that words have power and that naming something can shape our actions and color our feelings about it.  

discipline1 train, drill, teach, coach;2 control, restrain, regulate, govern;3 punish, penalize, reprimand, rebuke, chastise;A Domestic Discipline relationship would seem, by definition, to include training, controlling and/or punishing.  There is an implication that one of the partners requires teaching, regulating and chastising and that the other partner should be responsible for carrying this out.  In some ways this polarizes the relationship.I've read several blogs lately that, with humor, celebrate the adversarial nature of a disciplinary marriage.  With a dramatic "he said, then I said" style, we get a glimpse into marriages in which "the girls", try to outwit and trick their husbands to avoid punishment.  Of course, it never works and ends in tears when a husband, at the end of his patience, administers a punishment in anger.  The humorous style belies the serious message being delivered:  it's "us" against "them".I know I'm the "old fuddy-duddy granny" of bloggers.  I'm 2-3 times as old and have been married (at least) 2-3 times as long as many beginners.  We've only been doing ttwd for 2 1/2 years but we bring a lifetime of experience in our marriage.  We've been through the wars, have learned some hard lessons and can show the scars.I think Domestic Discipline is not the Holy Grail.  It's only the first step on this journey.  Next comes Domestic Self-Discipline.  When we take that step, we bring ourselves back from the edge of Disrespect or Dishonesty or Disobedience before he even knows we are there.  We choose to give our Respect, Honesty and Obedience voluntarily, with joy and love.  We avoid deliberate provocation and angry retaliation.  We feel a sense of fulfillment and peace in our submission and our obedience is a source of happiness.  This is never 100%, of course, and it requires self-discipline from both partners.  We come to this over a long period of self-examination, hard work and communication.  But the rewards are priceless!To us, the true goal is Domestic Harmony.  We both work toward this every day.  Over the years we become attuned to one another, aware of small discordant notes.  When this happens, we are willing to do what it takes to bring the harmony back to our marriage.  Sometimes that requires that we go back to a disciplinary approach, sometimes we need to renew our commitment to self-discipline, but what we crave is embodied in the definition of harmony:
harmony1 balance, symmetry, congruity, consonance, coordination, compatibility2 accord, agreement, peace, peacefulness, amity, amicability, friendship, fellowship, cooperation, understanding, consensus, unity, sympathy, rapport, like-mindedness; unison, union, concert, oneness, synthesis; concord.
To my mind, this is the Holy Grail and it's well worth a life-long Quest!

Tears

A comment to my last post:  "You mention that you cry almost every time. Since, as you said, Lash rarely talks or scolds, and there are very few discipline spankings, what is it that makes you cry? I ask because I have yet to reach the place of emotional release during a spanking -- whether it involves tears or not. I think it has to do with my pride and something I'm still hanging onto, afraid to let go of. Do you have any suggestions for me? Katherine"
     As long as we've had ttwd in our marriage, I've longed for emotional release, especially tears, during a spanking.  We tried various methods in the past to get me to that point - longer, harder, different implements - but nothing worked.  I could usually cry during a punishment, but that almost always came from my own remorse and shame and not from any severity on Lash's part.  I could sometimes get misty-eyed and sniffly but it didn't provide any resolution to the emotions I carried inside.  Spanking harder with a strap, just made me fearful, tense and resistant.  
     When we restarted our spankings in June, I was suddenly able to let go and cry and I encouraged Lash to spank me longer, while I sobbed.  Somewhere in the 4 month hiatus after my surgery, I lost the fear, lost the tension and stopped resisting.  One element of letting go of all that was my forced dependence on Lash during my recovery.  I was very fearful of being completely immobile and helpless for so many weeks and I had to work through a lot of those feelings.
     Some of it goes back over 60 years.  When I was a baby, my father came down with a crippling illness that kept him in the hospital for months and in a wheelchair or crutches for years.  It put an end to his ability to farm, so my mother, at barely 21, had a 3 month old baby, a husband on the verge of death and no income.  Over the next few years, they regained some financial stability but I had three younger siblings, and never felt that I could be the one in the family who was dependent, helpless, babied.  There was always a greater "need" than mine due to illness, stress, infancy or poverty.  
     I knew that Lash loved me for my maturity, independence and inner strength.  I hesitated to show my needier side, but after surgery I had no choice.  I learned that I could be loved for my needs, my vulnerability.  I found something softer and less fearful inside.  I could show the tears without feeling embarrassed or awkward.  A part of me that I thought was unloveable became valued and cherished.  
     Lash posted about this on his blog and came up with a great analogy - deep, painful massage.  I now welcome the hardest of spankings because it brings me to that point of releasing pride and stubbornness and crying freely.  It happens to different degrees with each spanking, but I know it's waiting for me when I need it - and I'm no longer afraid to need it.  

A spanking a day......

     I've mentioned our daily spankings on this blog and a couple of people have asked about how it works for us.  When we first started DD about 2 1/2 years ago, Lash was working and living out of town about half-time. It was hard to maintain any kind of routine, so we decided to do maintenance spankings every day whenever we were together.  Some days we just didn't have the energy or interest.  Still, daily spankings made us feel closer, more intimate - that was our goal.
     After a 4 month hiatus (I had surgery) and with Lash retired, we suddenly had the time, the interest and the energy to begin daily spankings again.  We usually get up early, walk for 30-45 minutes, get cleaned up and then, as Lash says, he "takes care of his wife".
     Ever since our early days with DD, we've had the same spanking routine.  We snuggle in bed, talk and get relaxed.  It's my time to get into a submissive frame of mind.  On the rare occasions when there is a punishment due, we talk about it and I nearly always cry before the spanking even begins.  Usually we just talk about any little issues that might have come up for us.
     I lie over a pillow across one of Lash's legs while he sits up in bed.  His other leg holds my legs in place and he reaches out with his left hand so that I can hold onto it.  Lash spanks me with his right hand and never scolds or says much.  He gives a good warm up that covers my thighs and bottom.  As the spanks get harder, he concentrates on my sit spot so that I'll feel it for a while.  Lately, I've been able to cry most of the time and he's learning to spank me while I cry which helps release tension and stress for both of us.
     Lash never spanks in anger, never spanks until after we've cuddled and talked and never leaves marks or bruises.  After the spanking, we snuggle again and he soothes my tears and my stinging bottom.  I usually feel very submissive and we often talk about our feelings and what we are discovering about ourselves and about each other.  Sometimes we make love, sometimes we just snuggle and sometimes we get right up to start the day.  
     For a long time, I thought that I wanted disciplinary spankings. The idea is still a hot one for me, but we've discovered that it's really the intimacy, the sense of unity and the expression of that dominant/submissive dynamic that drives our need for spanking.  We don't really use it to modify my behavior or make me obey.
     Our routine of "cuddle/talk, spank, cuddle/talk" is very intimate, very relaxing and yet, very energizing.  It gives me a sense of serenity and fulfillment and, without it, the day just doesn't feel right.  
     I hope this has given some insight into how our version of DD works and why we both love it.

A spanking carved in stone

Today we went to a museum with our daughter and one of the exhibits was gem carvings.  And one of the gem carvings was a Russian sauna scene with a man using birch switches on a naked woman.  Lash whispered a suggestive comment and I was weak-kneed for the rest of the morning.  Sorry about the blurred image.  I couldn't take a photo in front of my daughter and got this from the internet.  His left arm has just birched her back and his right is raised to strike her buttocks.  Spanking really is everywhere!

Subtlety

subtle |ˈsətl|    adjective 

1. so delicate or precise as to be difficult to analyze or describe
Lately our experience of DD has been one of subtlety and nuance.  We seldom raise our voices to each other or slam doors or stomp out of the house angry.  Of course, we have done all these things in the past and may do them again, but for the present they have faded away.  Lash does not chase me around the house with a raised paddle, trying to catch me to turn my bottom black and blue.  That will probably never happen.  We are not a volatile, out-spoken, short-fused couple so there will be little drama on this blog.
Our last few spankings have happened because of very subtle signals we have noticed inside ourselves.  In one instance, I felt tiny pockets of resistance in my submission and asked for a second spanking to help me feel like the wife I wanted to be.  Another time,  I began to pull away slightly and needed to be reminded to lean on Lash when I am troubled.
Yesterday, we didn't have time for our usual walk and spanking routine in the morning.  It wasn't a bad day.  We didn't fight or even grow distant, but Lash felt a subtle change inside himself, something not-quite-right.  So before we went to bed, he took me in his arms and told me that he needed to spank me.  My response was:  "I'm yours!"  
It was a change for us.  We seldom spank outside of our usual daily maintenance.  He couldn't explain why he needed it - he didn't have to.  He knew I would comply and I never considered refusing.  His need was enough for me.  My obedience was all he asked.  So he spanked (and dang! that man loves my sit spot!)  I went to bed with a bottom that not only hummed, but sang out loud all night.  Of course, I got my usual morning spanking today.  Owwwwie!
We've been toying with the idea of a little "warm up" of my bottom with the strap before bedtime.  Lash likes me to sleep in the nude and we both like the idea of my having a tingle in my bottom - another subtle reminder to think of him all night.  I'll let you know if this plan works out.  If last night was any indication, it might.  We both really liked it!

Drifting Away

     I've been drifting away on some inner sea of emotion for a few days.  I've read blogs but haven't commented, thought about posting but couldn't write.  I turned inward, away from Lash, away from life.  A simple visit to my doctor set me adrift.
     My blood pressure has been a little high for a while and I finally made an appointment to see my internist.  While I was there I asked about stopping my hormones and possibly starting anti-depressants.  A couple of years ago, I had problems when I stopped taking hormone replacements which I blogged about here and problems with depression posted here.  A flood of memories and feelings has overwhelmed me since I started talking about this to Lash and my doctor.  I keep remembering my mother's depression and suicide attempt while I was in college.  Not wanting to feel the bad feelings that were coming up, I pulled away from Lash and the good feelings, too.  
     This morning, I was quiet and withdrawn when we walked.  I really didn't want to be spanked which usually follows when we get home.  Actually, I didn't want to be held in his arms, to talk quietly, to feel vulnerable and open - which precedes the spanking.  Sure enough, the cuddling, the talking, the vulnerability brought on tears - but also relief to be able to share with Lash and ask for help. I needed Lash to be the one who pulled me back and let me know he wouldn't allow me to get lost.  I asked him to be strong for me, to be firm and unmovable when I try to withdraw.  
     I know I can handle my current problems, physical and emotional, with help from Lash and my doctor.  And I know that Lash will hold steady on the course we've chosen in our marriage.  If I start to drift away, he'll be the firmly set anchor that keeps me safe.
     Yes,  I got the spanking I needed, one of the hardest Lash has ever given me.  I cried long and hard but they were tears of relief as the thought kept repeating itself in my mind, "He won't let me drift away!"  An old habit, an old way of reacting simply won't work for me because we have a way to deal with it and Lash will not allow it to happen.  As for me, I'd much rather sit on a humming bottom all day than feel that distance between us for one minute.  

A Man's Perspective

Lash is starting to write some posts about his experiences as a man in a DD marriage.  I'll be putting up links on our page: A Man's Perspective.  They will also be at the top of my sidebar.  Here is the first.

In the Beginning......