I have been battling health issues lately.
About 6 weeks ago I went to my doctor. There was one lab test that she wanted to check further and I did a test at home which measured my blood oxygen level while I slept. It was abnormal and I am scheduled for a full sleep study at the hospital in two weeks. This would all be understandable if I had typical sleep apnea which involves snoring and closure of the throat during sleep resulting in low oxygen. But.... Lash swears that I do not snore.
This puts the problem into a different category which is harder to diagnose and treat.
We won't get the results until 3 weeks after the test, so there is a lot of waiting which is hard on my patience. I am relapsing into my usual magical thinking about my health: "Oh, it will all just go away on its own!"
This time, I'm looking at something that may need to be treated for the rest of my life and not with just a pill or two. My doctor already put me on oxygen at night which involves a big machine at the bedside with several feet of tubing ending at my nose. Further treatment could involve an even more intrusive machine.
My mind keeps shouting, "But I'm too young, I'm always healthy! This isn't Me!! There has to be some mistake!!! Hey, maybe the second test will turn out to be normal." Didn't I say my thinking was in fantasy-land?
Lash has helped with hugs, a listening ear and spankings to relieve tension and help me get my head on straight. I just needed to vent here and explain why I've been absent lately. I spend most of my online time researching sleep apnea and, since I don't sleep well at night, I'm fatigued and unable to concentrate during the day. I can't get into any abstract writing about ttwd. One thing I am learning about myself is that my submissiveness does not include obeying my doctors without question. I am going down this path kicking and screaming and looking for ways to escape my fate - actually the opposite of how I approach a spanking! ;-)
I've been reading so many good things on your blogs! When I'm more myself, I'll start commenting again.