Domestic Harmony

Lash and I have been talking lately about terms used for ttwd.  Although I don't like to get stuck on labels, I think that words have power and that naming something can shape our actions and color our feelings about it.  

discipline1 train, drill, teach, coach;2 control, restrain, regulate, govern;3 punish, penalize, reprimand, rebuke, chastise;A Domestic Discipline relationship would seem, by definition, to include training, controlling and/or punishing.  There is an implication that one of the partners requires teaching, regulating and chastising and that the other partner should be responsible for carrying this out.  In some ways this polarizes the relationship.I've read several blogs lately that, with humor, celebrate the adversarial nature of a disciplinary marriage.  With a dramatic "he said, then I said" style, we get a glimpse into marriages in which "the girls", try to outwit and trick their husbands to avoid punishment.  Of course, it never works and ends in tears when a husband, at the end of his patience, administers a punishment in anger.  The humorous style belies the serious message being delivered:  it's "us" against "them".I know I'm the "old fuddy-duddy granny" of bloggers.  I'm 2-3 times as old and have been married (at least) 2-3 times as long as many beginners.  We've only been doing ttwd for 2 1/2 years but we bring a lifetime of experience in our marriage.  We've been through the wars, have learned some hard lessons and can show the scars.I think Domestic Discipline is not the Holy Grail.  It's only the first step on this journey.  Next comes Domestic Self-Discipline.  When we take that step, we bring ourselves back from the edge of Disrespect or Dishonesty or Disobedience before he even knows we are there.  We choose to give our Respect, Honesty and Obedience voluntarily, with joy and love.  We avoid deliberate provocation and angry retaliation.  We feel a sense of fulfillment and peace in our submission and our obedience is a source of happiness.  This is never 100%, of course, and it requires self-discipline from both partners.  We come to this over a long period of self-examination, hard work and communication.  But the rewards are priceless!To us, the true goal is Domestic Harmony.  We both work toward this every day.  Over the years we become attuned to one another, aware of small discordant notes.  When this happens, we are willing to do what it takes to bring the harmony back to our marriage.  Sometimes that requires that we go back to a disciplinary approach, sometimes we need to renew our commitment to self-discipline, but what we crave is embodied in the definition of harmony:
harmony1 balance, symmetry, congruity, consonance, coordination, compatibility2 accord, agreement, peace, peacefulness, amity, amicability, friendship, fellowship, cooperation, understanding, consensus, unity, sympathy, rapport, like-mindedness; unison, union, concert, oneness, synthesis; concord.
To my mind, this is the Holy Grail and it's well worth a life-long Quest!