Stormy wrote a beautiful post here and it really made me think about Lash's job and our ups and downs. When we were first married, I was lonely a lot when he worked late, but I also worked odd hours and we got used to our evenings and nights alone.
When it was time to settle down in his career, he chose a job that paid less but offered shorter work hours and more vacation. Our kids were young then and he was able to spend more time with his family.
Gradually, decisions were made at work that meant longer work hours for him and less time with family. It was hard on him in many ways and the stress took its toll on all of us.
Finally, about 10-12 years before retirement, he decided to chuck that job and begin free-lance consulting so that he could work about half-time. It had some drawbacks but it made sense for us and allowed us to spend more time together and with our kids and parents.
Today I thanked Lash for making those decisions to put family first. It wasn't easy to go against the tide of work-addiction and money-hunger that drove so many of those around him. We were very comfortable financially, but we didn't have the McMansions, boats, planes, world travel, private schools, etc. that many of his peers felt were necessary. We were satisfied without them.
And here I need to put in a good word for myself. Some of the pressure to perform and earn came from spouses who never seemed to have enough. I refused to have anything to do with them and tried to let Lash know that I didn't want more "stuff" but more of his time. I encouraged him to quit that poisonous job situation and work for himself. I encouraged him to retire when consulting became too stressful. These were scary leaps of faith. We still don't know if retirement will work for us financially, but we're willing to walk into an unknown future as long as we can do it together.
I'm certainly not saying that I didn't complain, cry, pout and make his life miserable at times because of my objections to his work. I tried to be supportive, but fell short so many times. Looking back, I can see how impossible his situation was and how well he coped with pressure from all directions.
Thank you, Lash, for providing for your family in every way possible! I love you!!
10 comments:
Very good testimonial about a loving, giving, unselfish wife and a successful marriage!!
Bob
Congratulations to both of you for knowing what was important, and then being willing to live in accordance with that understanding. I wish you all the very best as you continue to live in that light.
hugs, swan
Dearest Meow, Thank you for you incredible blog. I will write more, but, as you know, I am too emotional about it now. Love Forever, Lash
Meow, That is so wonderful and refreshing to hear! We make a lot of sacrifices for me to be at home with the kids. I am happy that I've been able to spend all this time with them as they grow up. I'd rather have that than more clothes or whatever. Brad feels the same way.
That was so nice to read, Meow. You made it possible for him to make those changes with your unselfishness and I know he must really appreciate it.
Stormy's post made me stop and think too....I know one thing that I don't do is seem interested when he's telling me about work....I'm trying to work on that. Her saying that their jobs are like a mother's children really brought it down to earth for me....
Thanks for the support. Lash and I made some decisions about career vs. family that we look back on with satisfaction. Other things, like my not working, just seemed to slide into place gradually. Our needs and personalities lead us to a way of life that suited us. I see this much more clearly in retrospect. At the time we just lived life as it came along!
Great post, Meow!
I think most women struggle at times with their husbands seeming 100% commitment to work, and we feel neglected...some are able to hide that, others not.
I think it is important to stay true to self and not make decisions you can't be happy with.
That way, when/if the brown stuff hits the fan, you have nothing to regret.
I put 100% into my first marriage; and it failed long after we had come through very difficult times intact!
It really hurt to know that my 100% commitment to him and utter love and loyalty was not good enough.
But, there is a reason for everything and Davey was my knight on a white charger who rescued me and returned my self worth.
I have the hope and faith that when we are eventually able to live together, we will be ecstatically happy! xxxxxxxx
Good to read this Meow
that was so beautiful to read - thank you for sharing Meow :) it made my heart smile and i hope i can be like with my hubby :) xxx
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