rho, rho, rho

I’ve been thinking about my last post and want to elaborate on it. We’ve all probably heard of the three behaviors we should avoid: Disrespect, Dishonesty and Disobedience (the 3 Ds). I want to focus on the things we should be giving: Respect, Honesty and Obedience (or Rho like the Greek letter ρ).

First, Respect! In the past I was sometimes (or often) critical or judgmental about things that Lash did or said. I belittled him by my words, actions or attitude. Now I choose the option of silence, non-interference or expressing approval - whatever the situation calls for. If he tries to help, but doesn’t do it the way I would do it, any of the above options are better than criticism. If he asks me a stupid question, I can answer respectfully rather than with sarcasm. These are big steps for me. But I want to go a step farther. I want to show my respect actively. I want him to know that I always think of him with respect and don’t just give it grudgingly when he demands it. How can I do this? I can offer praise and gratitude for the things he does - going to work every day, living on his own, taking care of me, being a good father, looking after my car, etc. I can let him know that I appreciate how hard it is to make the transition from husband to Husband in a DD relationship. (We use Husband rather than HOH.) When he spanks me - after I get done crying and “ouching” and pouting - I can thank him and let him know that even though it hurt, I love feeling his strength and masculine energy. I can kneel in front of his chair for a hug, I can go to meet him when I hear him coming home, I can compliment him for his efforts, successful or not. I can keep Respect for him in my heart every day.

Next, Honesty! It’s more than just not telling lies. I need to keep in mind the things he wants to know about my thoughts, my feelings and my life. I need to remember that he is not a mind reader. I need to confess the things I’ve done wrong and the things I’ve done right, letting him share my triumphs as well as my failures. I need to be open about my sorrow and my joy. I need to let him know when my needs aren’t being met and when he does just the right thing. I need to open my mind and heart to him, trusting that he won’t stumble around, but will tread carefully. I need to let Honesty be a beacon to light the way for him to know me better.

Finally, Obedience! Early in our DD life, I realized that I had been disobedient every day of our marriage. He gave no orders, but I knew what he wanted in his heart - the kind of wife he wished for and deserved. Every time I acted in a way that opposed those wishes, I was disobeying. Now I want to grant the wish in his heart and be the wife he deserves by obeying his rules, his orders, his suggestions. I also want to anticipate his needs, think ahead to try to please him and watch out for the little ways I can serve him.

None of this is in any way demeaning or one-sided for me. In return, I get his Respect, Honesty and a sense of Order that comes from his dominance. So we both rho, rho, rho our boat together. I’m not sure where the shore is, but we are enjoying the water.