Thanks to Dazygal,
who made me think about this subject.
My comment on her blog ended up
being expanded to these thoughts.
who made me think about this subject.
My comment on her blog ended up
being expanded to these thoughts.
When Lash and I first started DD,
I thought of the changes in my behavior as
#1) a duty that I owed to Lash as my husband,
part of my hope to improve our marriage.
A side benefit was
#2) that I would get the spankings I craved.
And, honestly, #1 and #2 may have been reversed
in my subconscious mind and, at times, consciously.
I wanted to get spanked and DD was the means.
Looking back, it was a kind of bribe:
"I'll act like I'm an obedient wife and
then I'll get what I want."
Gradually, I began to see submission and obedience
as gifts that I gave him out of my love and respect
and desire to make him happy.
I began to see what it did for Lash
as well as what I got out of it.
Just recently, Lash wrote this in an email:
"I am living the life that I have always wanted
and have the relationship with you
I have always wanted.
and have the relationship with you
I have always wanted.
I feel so masculine and strong."
Seeing this in him has been a huge incentive
to continue on this journey.
Lately though, I have begun to feel that
my submission and obedience are primarily
gifts that I give myself.
my submission and obedience are primarily
gifts that I give myself.
Anything less is dishonest and disrespectful
to my own sense of who I am.
Of course, they are also gifts to Lash -
but I have to feel good about myself first
in order for them to be valuable to him.
I am submissive and obedient
because he has helped me
because he has helped me
to find these qualities deep within me
and helped me to express them openly
without fear, without shame, without anger.
They are aspects of who I am and to deny them
would be to deny the person I am becoming.
So it doesn't occur to me to try to
avoid submitting or obeying
by tricks or lying or manipulation.
That would only be deceiving Lash and myself.
Neither one of us deserve that.
avoid submitting or obeying
by tricks or lying or manipulation.
That would only be deceiving Lash and myself.
Neither one of us deserve that.
Does this make any sense?
Has anyone else gone through similar stages?
6 comments:
Wow Meow...that was beautiful! Yes, I do understand and feel like I have been through a similar awareness. I did not understand what I was getting us into when we began DD. Then it was to make me happy, him happy and us happy. And, yes, spanking was a big part of it.
Somewhere it went much deeper. We spank all the time, but DD has became about more doing what it takes to be the best person I can be, the best wife and mother. It has all merged together to be about being the best me, which I and Grant deserve from me. We have built ourselves and each other, and together become stronger both together and apart than we ever have been before. It has all sunk deep into my awareness, that it is my choice to make the effort to reach towards a quality of life and relationship. Although I slip (and Grant, too)..none of us are perfect, I answer to myself before I answer to Grant. My conscious guides me. Yes, he has helped me to be the person I really want to be.
Wonderful post!
Beautifully written and incredibly inspirational. I think many people unfamiliar with TTWD tend to see submission as a weakness or a psychological problem. "She had a difficult childhood, therefore she thinks she deserves to be put down." So often, that just isn't the case. Submission is an intrinsic part of who we are, and giving into that part gives us a sense of fulfillment. "Anything less is dishonest and disrespectful to my own sense of who I am." Couldn't have said it better.
Thank you for giving us the gift of that post, Meow =)
Yes, it does make sense. It truly is a gift to yourself.
I liked the part about the bribe. That's what I think of myself as doing, because Ron won't spank as a punishment, only as a reward.
Hugs,
Hermione
we are so very much in the beginning, and have so much to learn, and as much as reading helps, I guess everyone has to go through it all for themsleves. This is one of those few, fantastic posts though that both light the path and make it seem like a worthwhile pursuit.
Meow, that was wonderful. I can't say that I've been through all those stages yet, but I do connect with the feeling that once I'd experienced what life could be like, anything less, any lower standard is unpalatable and uncomfortable.
Sara, I agree that DD has become a way to find ourselves in the midst of real life chaos. We both have learned so much about ourselves and each other this year. It's amazing to me how much is still to be uncovered at our ages. What a great exploration!
Maggie, Thanks! I really do see submission as a great strength in my character. Before I was always battling against it, but now I can recognize and honor it!
Hermione, I'm a firm believer in doing what it takes to get spanked. Bribes, included!
greengirl, Good luck on this journey! It has been a rough road for us at times, but it is a very worthwhile pursuit. Thanks for your kind words.
Ally, You said it well. I couldn't go back now. I've changed too much and so has Lash. Even if spanking were no longer possible, our relationship can't ever be what it was before - Thank God!
Hugs to all, Meow
Post a Comment