When Lash and I occasionally used spanking during foreplay, it was pleasurable but I still had an undercurrent of embarrassment that kept me from experiencing it as I fantasized.
When we started using spanking as part of DD in January, I began to concentrate so hard on the relationship aspect that suddenly spanking wasn't sexual any longer. It was exactly the opposite of what I had hoped for and expected. I was so serious about each spanking, concentrating so hard on the submission, the obedience, the mindset I was trying to change, that I lost track of the joy. Those first spankings weren't very hard and it took us a long time to adjust to what I needed and what was comfortable for Lash.
Gradually the spankings and whippings got harder and more painful and I began to concentrate on enduring the pain and and learning to let my emotions out through crying. This was satisfying and relaxing but still not sexual. We kept using spanking as part of foreplay, but I now had mixed feelings about it. I felt that I had lost something that had been part of my life since.... forever. Reality and Fantasy had met and Reality had won! Real spankings hurt and, although I enjoyed the intimacy, I missed the Thrill.
Lately, though, when Lash says to meet him in the bedroom for a spanking, that little thrill has been evident again. Before and after and even during the spanking, I feel the excitement that spanking used to have for me. I've become more accepting of the pain, more aware of Lash's role as a spanking husband and dominant man. The idea of a man who actually enjoyed spanking me was always a very big turn-on and I'm letting myself be more aware of Lash's feelings of confidence, masculinity and pleasure when he spanks me. I enjoy HIS enjoyment and that makes me want him all the more.
My question is this: Has anyone else gone through this? Do you have any trouble changing gears from spanking as punishment to spanking as foreplay? Have your feelings about spanking changed over time? I'd like to know I'm not alone in this and my curiosity is piqued.
9 comments:
I am starting to notice that I confuse discipline and fun some times. I mentioned to Aeon that we may need an implement for discipline because I do like the feel of his hand.
Meow, you are speaking my language, it's funny b/c I was just thinking out a post about submission and it relates to what you said a lot. I fear I am stuck in the "it's not so sexual anymore" phase right now. I'll post about it soon.
Ally
Meow - we don't do discipline, but I have seen a change in how I feel about spanking -- and the spankings themselves -- over the years.
Originally the spankings were short and pretty mild (by today's standard, anyway) and they did the trick to get me aroused. But now they are much harder, and I am also able to lose myself in the pain and pleasure, so that I enjoy them so very much more. We have tried a lot of implements and a few different positions, and increased the length, and they are a thing unto themselves now, not merely foreplay, although they still arouse me.
Spanking -- like life -- is a journey.
Hugs,
hermione
Meow, I'm thrilled and happy that you are finding your pleasure submitting to Lash's control. I have not yet been able to live the DD lifestyle where I answer to someone face to face or receive the guidance that I crave and desire. I can speak to the fact that when I am spanked by one of my dominant lovers leading into sexual play, it is a major turn-on for me.
Big Hugs,
kitten
Spanking is sexual for me and one thing that will turn me on at almost any time but to feed my fantasy I really wish there was a little discipline thrown in. Spanking can turn me on but when he will spank when we are not getting ready to have sex - well that is when I feel cared for and loved. And sometimes those needs are as strong or stronger than the need for sex.
PK
I have found that in order for me to enjoy spanking as a fun spanking the mood has to be set. If TJ Tries to set the mood by using his deep dark voice "Get in my office," or such then I am tuned in for punishment even if he says it's just for fun. To me it's all in the mindset.
If he alludes to fun spanking and then calls me into his room..then fun will most likely be had by all parties! :-)
Aeon's Angel, I love the feel of a hand spanking, too. The straps we use are more "serious" but I haven't had a real punishment with one - yet.
Ally, I'll look forward to reading about your ideas on the subject.
Hermione, I'm beginning to know what you mean about spankings being arousing but "a thing unto themselves". I find them quite satisfying!
Kitten, DD is certainly turning out to be different from my expectations, but I'm finding that even outside a sexual context, I love the "buzz" I get all day after a spanking.
PK, I know what you mean. Spanking for fun doesn't have the same vibe for me as spanking associated with discipline or a display of his dominance.
Measha, It really is all in the mindset. I'm learning to associate our new style of spanking with the fantasies I loved so much. I just needed to get my thinking turned around.
Hugs to all, Meow
I'm just happy you're happy!!!
:-) Hugs!
Paula
Paula, Thanks for the good wishes! Meow
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