Sleepy Meow

This is me today! I had an outpatient procedure this morning under general anesthesia, came home about 1:00 and slept from 2:00 to 5:00. All is well with me and Lash is taking good care of his Meow. I'm catching up on my blog reading but not commenting much since I can't seem to make much sense. Maybe I'll just go back to bed. Ho - Hum!! Snore*******! (Hey - Lash says I snore but I think I just purr in my sleep!)

Alpine Wildflowers

This morning, Lash and I were hiking a short trail on the alpine tundra at dawn. It was at about 11,000 ft., 39 degrees and very windy so we were freezing, but the wildflowers were spectacular!! I'm not much of a photographer, but I'm posting a few of the photos on the sidebar because I like the reminder of this beautiful area and it's fantastic scenery!

Faroozin' in the oficemoo

I have a question for those of you who use word verification on your comments. Why?

I'm curious to know if many of you have had problems with spam-type comments. Where do they come from and how many have you gotten? Is this a big problem? I have never turned this on in my settings and have never had any problems. Maybe this is because my blog is new and not very well known or because it doesn't trigger the spammers for some other reason. I wonder about this every time I type in one of those nonsense words, so just thought I'd ask.

Go Lash!

For my 50th blog post, I'm happy to announce that Lash started blogging on his own site. The link is just below our pictures. Something clicked for him today and he wrote a couple of posts in answer to other bloggers, but really in answer to the thoughts those blogs initiated in his mind. I think we all know what happens when we can't stop the thoughts and just have to get them written down. I'm happy that he's gotten over the first post jitters and hope he'll write more! Love you, Lash!!

Meow Words

This idea came from Davey's Blog

1. What is your blogger name - Meow
2. A 4 Letter Word - Meow
3. A Boys name - Michael
4. A Girls name - Megan
5. An occupation – Musician
6. A color - Mauve
7. Something you wear – Moccasins
8. A beverage - Mineral water
9. A food – Meatloaf
10. Something found in the bathroom – Moisturizer
11. A place – Montana
12. A Reason for being late - Morning came too early
13. Something you shout - Missed Me, Mwhaha!!!!

Trouble??

Uh-oh! Officer, I don't have them and I'm sorry I was speeding and driving in the wrong lane and didn't use my signal, but I guess it's because I never passed my drivers test and....... Oooo! Officer what a big black belt you have!! Am I in trouble??

Bless you!

In the past few weeks since I've written this blog, I've come to know a little about some of the people in this online community. Some posts have made me laugh out loud and some have brought tears to my eyes. I enjoy reading about your spanking experiences and about your daily lives and families. And I've shared about myself and my marriage and my family and you've been interested and supportive. So far it's been a great experience and I just want to say Bless You All!

News Flash!

A right-handed man with his left arm in a cast can still give a pretty hard spanking!

Lash gave his all so that we could celebrate Consensual Spanking Day!

What a guy! Willing to sacrifice my butt for the cause!

Seriously....

I read a post on another blog about depression and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. The experience of the blogger was what a lot of people would equate with serious clinical depression and included suicidal thoughts, sadness, tears, inability to function and desperation. One comment talked about the side effects of antidepressants, sometimes taking away the highs as well as the lows and removing some of what makes us…. US.

I commented that my experience of depression was just the opposite of this. I was unable to function a good part of the time (as she was), but I was numb, without much feeling at all, going through the motions of life with no highs or lows, unable to care deeply about anything - and this went on for years! I couldn’t understand how other people had energy, how they got so much done and, above all, how they could care so deeply about everything. I was truly perplexed and annoyed that a friend was so grief-stricken when her parents died.

For me, antidepressants gave me back my life and my relationships and my feelings. It was truly a great blessing to me that I could grieve and cry when my father died. I had been afraid that even death couldn’t make me feel human. I had faked being a wife and mother for such a long time - I had faked being human when I felt like a lump of nothing. I actually thought of myself sometimes as the “living dead”. Suicide would have been redundant - it never entered my mind. The meds finally made me feel something... anything… everything! I began to feel love again, not just duty to my family. I felt loss when my kids left home. I felt joy when they succeeded. I actually missed people when they were gone! I felt compassion for friends in trouble.

After a couple of years I went off the pills and things stayed good for me. I’ve never gone back to the depths of apathy that had claimed me for so long. But as the years go by, I still struggle to find a balance. There are lots of times that I feel that I’m on the edge of that abyss and I have to pull myself back. A second try at antidepressants a couple of years ago didn’t work - I started to have suicidal thoughts which scared the shit out of me! I quit the meds and have been working on myself in other ways. I try to keep healthy, keep my energy balanced, exercise, be with the people I love and with friends. I keep busy in the community and try to do things that are creative in some way.

Now to the point of this post, finally! I think that DD has helped me stay real in this struggle. I have to deal with people and events in my life honestly. I am accountable to Lash for taking care of myself. We talk about everything including my bouts of apathy. And… and spanking leads us into areas of intense sensation, intense emotion and intense intimacy. It takes me to feelings that I didn’t know I had. When I cry afterward it is not about the pain - it’s about that unknown depth of experience that I long for. I crave the ability to let go of my peaceful facade and plunge into what seems like madness - that desire to be out of control in every way! With Lash’s help we are exploring this path, tentatively and cautiously at first because, to me, it is like hiking on the edge of a steep drop-off. At least I feel that I’m on the right path, at last. And I'm not alone.

Update

Lash had his wrist and elbow surgery and is doing well today. Yesterday things didn't go quite so well - lots of pain, a mix-up with his pain med Rx, temporary cast too tight, me running all over trying to get the Rx filled, worrying about him home alone. Anyway, I had a tight-jawed, narrow-eyed, fairly-quiet-voiced tantrum. Luckily, Lash was in too much pain (and then on really good drugs) to remember - I hope. He gave me one last spanking before surgery yesterday and says he hopes to return to spanking in a couple of days. I'm not so sure, but I guess we can be creative. I just hope the drugs make him forget the mini-tantrum and the carton of ice cream I ate to get over it! Definitely not on my diet!

All the rest of life is pretty quiet. I'm mourning the demise of my iPhone but hoping it is only "mostly dead" and will revive if I take it to Miracle Max... umm... I mean the genius bar at the Apple store. More on the tech front: I finally figured out Facebook and now actually have Friends! I'm starting to take some of the advice I read on Bonnie's last Brunch and making my computer more kink-safe. I may even get brave enough to try putting a hit counter on this blog. And all this from a big fan of Vacuum Tubes!

I guess Lash won't forget the tantrum or the ice cream since he'll read this post. I tried to tell him the doctor ordered "No spanking for 6 months!" but he only grinned and said "You'd hate that!" And I would!! He may be ready for some spanking in a couple of days - I know I will be.