The SBDLJ

Since arriving here (anonymous midwestern city), we've been using the Silent But Deadly Loopy Johnny. Lash has used it two days in a row now and it lives up to it's reputation. We have new upstairs neighbors and we're not sure just how "deaf" they are. (This is a 55+ condo building.) The LJ is so quiet that I can barely hear it. Of course, I need to muffle my mouth in a pillow to keep from having every neighbor on the block call 911! It does sting like crazy, but it hasn't left any long-lasting marks so far.

D#2 is moved into her new apartment. It's dry and has a better view than her old place (trees and houses instead of a carwash). It's a little smaller so she downsized to a new loveseat instead of a hand-me-down sofa and took some stuff to Goodwill. All-in-all it's been a good move for her now that the panic has subsided.

We had a birthday party for my MIL yesterday - her 89th is just after Labor Day weekend. Today I take my mom to church and maybe visit some of my brothers or an elderly aunt. Tomorrow I take her to the doctor and shopping. Lash will be doing the same with his mom with minor variations. 3 more days until we head back home!!

PS: The dreaded outdoor switching didn't take place due to the previously mentioned torrential rains and panicked daughter! Maybe at some later date I'll report on an outdoor experience!!

Travel Woes

As soon as we drove into the good old home state, we were inundated by torrential rains and frantic phone calls from daughter #2. After 5 years in a flood-prone apartment, she was told by the management that she had to be moved out by Sunday - this was on Thursday! They provided an alternate apartment in the next building, but she was naturally stunned to be told move with almost no notice! So after a summer of helping daughter #1 move, moving Lash out of his work condo and helping daughter #1 move more furniture - we have ended up moving daughter #2 to her new apartment these past two days.

I'm too old for this!!

Kids' Recipes

Until I get Mom's cake recipe, I'll share some recipes from kids!

ICE POPS FOR SUMMER

You need:

1 whole can of any kind of drink except beer

11 or 9 sticks, maybe

Regular 'frigerator silver things that turn ice into squares

THAT IS ALL

Shake up the juice for some hours. Be sure to put the sticks in upside down, else you won't have no handles and maybe you could never get the icepops out.

Now it has to freeze good or - Oh Boy - when you open it, it will spill all over and the floor will get all sticky and bad ants come.

Usually it takes 'til lunch time but not always.

SCRAMBLED EGGS

5# of boiled bacon

2# of eggs

3# of ginger ale

1 fat

8 gal. of salt

4# of pepper

1 knife of butter

First you open the eggs with your mittens. Use only the insides. Throw the rest in the sink. Put the eggs in a 10# can and cook the bacon in a plastic pan. Get your pan real hot. If you get your pan hot first, you only have to cook 2 minutes, but if the pan is not hot you have to cook 3 hours.

Eat them in the morning or the afternoon. And you will sure need some orange juice after!

Tawse Report

To all the kind commenters who warned me not to order a tawse - you were absolutely right!!

This is what we have been trying out lately - it's 14 inches long and wider and thicker than our other strap and is slit like a tawse with five fingers.

It is noticeably more thuddy and stingy than the strap, too. I can really tell the difference and I can take far fewer spanks from it before I react.

At first Lash used it at the end of a spanking - after quite a few spanks with the strap, maybe 60-70 or more. It only took a few spanks with the tawse (less than 10) before I wanted to move out of position. Then he tried it at the beginning and I could take more. Today he gave me 10 with his hand (for the first time since surgery - Hooray!), 40 with the tawse and the rest with the strap. It was painful but tolerable.

I'll be so glad when he can use his hand more. We both love hand spankings best of all! It wasn't long ago that 5-10 strokes with the strap after a hand spanking was a pretty strong punishment. Now he can give me over 100 with the strap.

Lash likes to spank me almost daily when we are able and these spankings with both straps have pushed my limits. I want him to push those limits, I've asked him to do it, but damn, it hurts!! It's what I asked for at the beginning, but now it's entirely in Lash's hands. He decides when, what to use and how hard to use it. I haven't really been punished in a long time, but the daily (reminder, maintenance, whatever) spankings are much more severe than punishments used to be.

Be careful what you ask for, little girl........

I'm not complaining - just cogitating about the changes in our DD path since we started in January. I had no idea where we were headed, but I'm very, very satisfied with where we are now! I wanted Lash to be in charge and he certainly is!!

PS: I wrote this a couple of days ago and wanted to add a "Thanks!" to all who sent words of encouragement to Lash after his fall. It's pitiful to see the poor man slowly and painstakingly get into position on the bed, protecting his ribs..... and then whip the hell out of my bottom with both straps!! His right arm doesn't seem to be affected at all! Poor me! (grin)

PPS: Lash thinks that, on our drive to the Midwest, we might look for an outdoor spot for a bare bottom switching. I think the forecast calls for rain, thunderstorms, maybe a typhoon!! Not outdoor spanking weather, for sure!

PPPS: I talked my way out of a punishment this morning. Lash couldn't reach me when I promised to have my cell phone plugged in, so I was going to get several punishment spanks on top of our usual daily spanking. Ouch! Fortunately, the truth worked and I didn't get punished. I really did have the phone plugged in, but we were driving separately and I must have been out of range. Coverage can be spotty in the mountains. I remember having to get the phone out of the car the next morning, so it really was plugged in! Really!!

Real Life! Again??

Updates on our real life:

1. Lash is improving since his second carpal tunnel surgery, but he fell about 10 days ago and injured his entire left side including some ribs. Not fun!!

2. We've moved all Lash's stuff out of his worksite condo, made several trips up the mountain with carloads of boxes, cleaned the condo and turned in the keys. I'll miss our little private get-away place, but that job is over and it's time to move on.

3. Allergy season is upon us, but we're enjoying the cool nights and sunny days!

4. We moved a U-Haul full of furniture to daughter #1 and her hubby's new house. They have empty rooms and we're glad that we don't have to find a place to store all the furniture. PS: All this moving hasn't helped Lash's sore ribs!

5. Daughter #1, who is pregnant, thinks she's feeling the baby move!! She had her ultrasound today, but the Sprout is modest and didn't show if it (?) is a boy or girl. D#1 was very upset, but then she cries over everything now!

6. We're leaving for the Midwest in a couple of days and will see our moms, our sibs, their families and daughter #2. We have some good times with family but get tired of it quickly. I'm so glad we have privacy when we stay at my mom's former condo. Lash told me to bring the strap, the tawse and the loopy johnny! We have new neighbors upstairs, so will have to be careful with the spankings.

7. Tomorrow, I'll report about the new strap (tawse?) we've been using lately.

8. For those who asked for the sour cream chocolate cake recipe, I'll try to get it when we're visiting my mom.

9. Spankedhortic is having trouble getting my blog on his Dashboard list. Anyone else have this problem with my blog or anyone's blog?? Could I have some settings wrong? Or is it some other Blogger thing?

10. With all the packing, moving, falling, allergies, etc., I haven't posted or commented much this month and even though I still read everyone's blogs, I miss the interaction. I hope to make some quiet time each morning at the coffeeshop next week when I'll check email and catch up on blogs - no internet at the condo.

11. That's all for now!!

Spanking Diet Update

So far, August has been frustrating on the diet front!

I've been stalled at the same weight - or thereabouts - for about a month. Finally today, I'm down a little!

I know this is normal, but here's my immediate problem.

Last time I visited family in the Midwest (May), I gained 7#. Since then, I've lost 15# and it's been a struggle lately! Wednesday, we leave for over a week with family and I WILL NOT gain back that weight.

My plan is to tell everyone that we just can't eat out at all - that we have to eat only what we fix ourselves (we'll stay at my mom's former condo with a kitchen). This won't go over well since Lash's family eats out a lot and my mom gets sick of the food at Assisted Living and likes to go out to eat when I'm there. But.... I need to stay on track!! Lash is supportive since he's dieting, too and it will also save a bundle of $$ because we often pay for everyone when we eat out with them.

It will just take a lot of willpower to stick to our plan and resist the pull of family dynamics. Why is this so frakking hard? Partly because: I hate conflict, I hate to disappoint people, I hate to be the one to spoil everyone's fun. Too bad!! I have to look after myself this time and stop people-pleasing. I'm my own biggest saboteur! I know that! I think we'll have to work out rules with spanking consequences for Lash to enforce. Maybe.....

1. No suggesting that we eat out!

2. No giving in to others suggestions.

3. No cafe mochas when we go to the coffee shop to check email.

4. Take the scale and weigh everyday, just like I do at home.

5. Follow all diet rules that I follow at home.

Wish me luck!!

Meme from Daisy!

1) How old are you? 50ish - almost 60ish - Eeeeek!!
2) Are you in a steady relationship? Married to Lash for 37 years
3) How many times have you been married? Once
4) How many people have you spanked/been spanked by? Only one
5) State top 3 reasons for enjoying spanking/being spanked? Feeling out-of-control, feeling very feminine, pleasing my Lash
6) What is your favourite meal? Pizza, I haven't had it in sooooo long
7) If a friend offered to bake you a cake, which would you ask for? Sour cream chocolate with peanut butter frosting, a favorite from childhood
8) Name 3 foods you would gag to see on your plate Liver, cooked spinach, lima beans - all favorites of Lash - I'll make anything but liver for him - can't stand the smell
9) Do you have any phobias? If so, name! heights, snakes, enclosed places
10)If you could choose a brand new car, what colour would you pick? I just did and it's RED
11)Describe your dwelling place...(house, trailer, flat, apartment, high rise, etc) 2 level house
12) DO you live in urban or rural area, countryside or seaside? small town
13) How many miles to your nearest McDonalds? 2 miles?
14) How many miles to your nearest train station, bus stop? bus stop - 2 miles, train - 2 hour drive
15) How far to travel to reach a shopping area with a range of shops including large supermarket? 2 miles
16) Do you exercise regularly? I try to, but life can bring it's own exercise, too! (We've been moving lately)
17)Would you consider yourself healthy? Yes - no major diseases or medications
18) Do you feel you are under/overweight? overweight, but losing steadily
19) Are you currently on a healthy eating plan? (never say diet!) ... donuts do NOT constitute healthy eating!!! No-gluten, low-carb - plain meats, veggies and fruits - and donuts have gluten, damn!
20) Do you have any pets? Not since 2002
21) How many hours a week on recreational use of a computer? I take the Fifth - In the US that means "No comment"
22) Do you consume alcohol regularly? (if so, how much on average in a week?) Maybe 1-2 glasses of wine a week and only when I ask permission from Lash - It's not good for me!
23)How many hours a week do you get the opportunity to relax/enjoy privacy with your partner? When he's home, like now, lots and lots. When he's working away from home, zero except by phone.
24) Who does the lion's share of the housework in your household? Lash does his share when he's home, otherwise it's just me.
25) How many hours a week, on average, do you spend watching TV? Like Daisy - none, we don't have cable or Dish and I don't miss it at all. I do watch DVD's and streaming Netflix, but not much.
26) Do you smoke? If so, how many a week? NO!
27) Name any sport you do/would be willing to, take part in. I loved volleyball when I was younger, now it's mostly hiking in the mountains when I can.
28) Would you like to participate in an extreme sport? (eg, hang gliding, bungee jumping...) I always though hang gliding would be fun!
29 What is your partners/potential partners, sexiest feature? (eyes, ass, smile, legs, muscles, chest, voice, etc) Out of bed it's his attitude, his dominance, in bed it's his dominance and his hands!
30) What field of work are you in? (be as general as you need to...) Retired from child-rearing, still do a lot of volunteering, but hope to semi-retire from that in the future.

Aren't You Thankful That.....

... attraction isn't always based on youth and beauty?

... love can come at any age?

... desire doesn't have an expiration date?

... this wasn't a frontal shot?

New Weapon, I mean, Implement

This is what we recently got in the mail form Cane-iac. Lash wanted a tawse, but most of them were really long and he wanted it for OTK use. This is only 14" long and is 2.5" wide.

Lash described the results of using it on his leg: "very stingy and left welts for an hour. I will have to start very gently on Meow."

I'm hoping he remembers these words when we use it the first time. He's been using our other strap fairly lightly with his left hand and working his way up to firmer strokes as he gets used to it. I'm not sure he wants to try something new yet since his control is better with his right hand. I'm all for control when the strap is aimed at my tender bottom!

Wish me luck!

Non-Organic Woman

Okay, I'm back again to my old non-organic self -- pumped full of hormones, antibiotics and pesticides (well, I hope not pesticides). My thinking is clearer. I don't want to kill myself, my husband or random strangers. I can talk to people without gnashing my teeth and twitching. Hooray!! I still think the thermostat is jumping around, making the room hot, then cold, then hot -- but I can live with that for a while!

After turning into the Incredible Weeping Woman on Thursday, I was pretty calm on Friday. Lash tentatively approached me about trying another spanking and we decided to risk it! Hooray again!! It felt harder and longer, but no uncontrollable crying followed. We just had a nice cuddle and talk. I'm getting back my desire to be "wifely": usually submissive, sometimes obedient, learning to feel feminine and always loving my Lash.

I feel as though something inside has loosened, untwisted and relaxed into it's former pattern. I'm ME again! I'm Meow again!

I finally got the car in for service this morning. Lash was with me, chatting with the service manager about the scars from surgery on his left hand and elbow. "Oh" says the service manager, "Tennis elbow?"

"No" says Lash, "It's from beating my wife!" Chuckles all around!! I may kill him yet!!!

Official Meltdown Post

I haven't written on this blog for a while.

For a week or two after Lash started spanking again (after his first surgery) I was having trouble focusing - both focusing on each spanking and focusing on the whole DD thing. Why did I want to do this in the first place? I could barley remember what my feelings were 6 months ago when I first brought up the subject. I couldn’t feel any emotions or cry when I was being spanked. I went through the motions - he spanked and I submitted but something was missing. We were able to talk seriously about it, to joke about it, to try different approaches but……. nothing. I just stopped feeling the desire to please him, to submit, to obey, to get spanked.

Last week I started getting very tense, irritable, distant and withdrawn. Some days were better than others, but a lot of days were horrible! I had a big 3 day fundraiser over the weekend, Lash’s 2nd surgery on Monday, hosted a social gathering for 50 women on Tuesday, had a painter in the house on Wednesday and an appointment to get the car serviced today.

Before I even had breakfast this morning, Lash said he was ready to try a left-handed spanking - with the strap. We cuddled and talked beforehand and I gave the right answers but with no enthusiasm. So he spanked with his hand and with the strap…... and I started crying….. and I couldn’t stop. I literally cried all morning and half the afternoon and am still weepy on and off this evening.

First of all, I don’t blame Lash - at all. He’s been doing his part of DD and I agree that we need to keep doing it even when one of us loses focus. I want him to and I’m glad he does it. I’m not mad at him and love him so much!! This is just the risk we take when we open ourselves to another person on a very deep level. We can uncover some fears and anger and sadness that have been buried for years.

Now the background: I stopped taking my hormones about 5 weeks ago and the shit finally hit the fan this week. I’d been symptom-free for 5 blissful years (except for the problems that led to quitting the hormones and having surgery last month). Now I’ve had the “Return of the Hot Flashes” and - yes - it could be the scariest horror movie of all time! I’ve been seriously wondering if life was worth living if this is what the next 20 or 30 years might be like. Being tense and withdrawn was my way of holding onto my sanity and not saying all the hateful things that were in my head.

I grew up at a time and place where no one talked about this stuff. Some women just quietly had “nervous breakdowns” and went away for a while to get “fixed”. My mom tried to commit suicide 4 years after her hysterectomy. Late 1960’s, small midwestern town, so much shame, so little real help available! All this lived in the back of my head as I suffered through these past few weeks. Today the dam broke!

I’m starting back on the hormones again and will have a serious talk with my gynecologist as soon as I can get an appointment. I could get breast cancer or uterine cancer or I could live with menopause for the next 20 years and still get breast cancer! I say “Fuck it!” Today is the day I’m living right now and I may be dead of something else next week. I refuse to live in fear, I refuse to relive my mother’s sadness, I refuse to take out my anger on my wonderful husband. If I have to cry another day or two or another week until I get it all out, I will. If it takes more spankings to help me get in touch with the feelings, I’m ready. If you’re sick of hearing about menopause, me too!! I’m getting on with my life, starting NOW!!!!!